Between Two Worlds
by lawslave
Summary: An accident leaves Jamie questioning what's real and what's fiction.
1. Chapter 1

_The idea for this story came from the dinner scene in The Uniform (2x11). I focus a lot on how I imagine that Jamie's relationships with certain people would have been if we'd had a chance to really see them. No Eddie in this one...that sort of feels wrong but this takes place in season 2._

 _A million thanks to Blueblood82 for all of her suggestions on this one. This story sat around untouched and unfinished for a long time until she took a peek. :)_

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Chapter 1

Renzulli brushed one last stroke of white paint across the top of the door trim before he stepped off the small ladder he was perched on to admire his work with a satisfied sigh. He then checked his watch and saw that it was coming up on twelve-thirty and grinned to himself as he looked up at the clear blue sky, thankful again for the extra work and the sunny, but cool weather that had allowed them to squeeze it in that Wednesday morning. He and his partner had been on a paint job near Prospect Park in Brooklyn for the last several hours. And depending on how much of the window trim Jamie had left to go on the north side of the house, it appeared that they were nearly done with this phase of the job.

Renzulli closed the lid on his paint can and laid the brush across the top. He quickly descended the four steps from the porch to the paved walkway and strolled over to the right side of the house to check on his partner all the while wiping a few smears of the 'Alpine White' latex paint from his hands. As soon as he rounded the corner, he found Jamie halfway up his own ladder working on the first window. Renzulli smiled again - when he'd last checked on him, he was painting the window at the rear of the house and was going to work his way to the front which meant that they should in fact be done for the day. "That's looking real good, kid. I knew that Harvard brain of yours would catch on eventually," he teased, happy to see most of the paint on the wood trim and not all over the kid.

Jamie let out a short laugh, remaining focused on his brush as he ran it along the edge of the wood frame. "Yeah, thanks, Sarge," he responded. When he was done with the stroke, he hid his face in the crook of his arm to mask a large yawn that had been threatening to escape.

"Hey! No yawning on the job, college boy," Renzulli admonished lightly.

Jamie smirked at his boss. "It was a long night," he argued. They'd worked a full midnight tour and had fought the morning traffic after work to get to Prospect Park for their side job.

"Ha! Tell me about it; I was right there with ya, kid," Renzulli said as he walked alongside the house, examining the rest of Jamie's work. "I think we can call it a day," he said. Happy with the end result, he stepped over to the painting supplies they had laid out on the driveway next to the house. "Time to go home and get some shut eye," he added.

"Great. I just got this bottom piece to finish up," Jamie advised as he went back to finishing up his task.

Renzulli was crouched down low, collecting various items when he looked over at Jamie. "So, kid, when you're hanging out here with me moonlighting to make an extra buck, ever wish you would have stuck with law?" he asked, revisiting a conversation they had the first time Jamie made up the other half of his little painting crew.

"Nah," Jamie answered confidently as his eyes stayed focused on his work.

Renzulli stopped what he was doing and gave his partner a doubtful look. "You sure about that? You ever consider what life would be like if you weren't a cop?" he asked, thinking that the kid must be tempted from time to time to go back to making the big bucks in the legal field. For a brainiac like him, he figured it would easily beat painting houses after long tours.

Jamie carefully inspected the trim he'd just painted. Satisfied with the job, he clutched the handles of the can and brush in one hand as he carefully lowered himself down each rung of the ladder. "One hundred percent," he assured his sergeant when he was back on solid ground. "We kind of had a similar conversation on Sunday over dinner," he shrugged.

Renzulli knew exactly who he meant by 'we'; he knew all about the Reagan Sunday dinners. "How so?" he inquired, standing with an arm full of supplies in his arms.

Jamie approached their makeshift workspace and was closing the lid on his can as he answered. "Well, it's hard to imagine any of us not being involved with the department, but we went through what we would all be doing for a living if none of us had become cops. And we all agreed in the end that nothing beats the job," he explained.

Renzulli's eyebrows shot up, curious about the answers a question like that would have garnered from the Reagans. "Oh yeah? You're right, I can't imagine any of the men in your family as anything _but_ cops. What did they say?" he asked eagerly.

Jamie snorted as he thought of his grandfather first. "Gramps said something about 'ladies better shoes'...whatever that means."

Renzulli's expression became pinched, confused by that choice of occupation. "What's that about?" Renzulli asked. "I can't picture your grandfather as a shoe salesman."

Jamie nodded in agreement. "Neither can I," he stated. He couldn't picture his grandfather in retail, of all things.

"What about your dad?" the older man prompted while the pair work together to store everything into the back of Renzulli's old station wagon which sat parked in the homeowner's driveway.

"He said he would have stayed in the Marines," Jamie replied from where he was hunched forward, halfway into the rear of the old wagon organizing the supplies.

"That I can see," Renzulli said as he handed the younger man a large, sealed bucket of paint.

Jamie grunted as he took hold of the heavy item. "Me too," he agreed.

Renzulli leaned up against the edge of the station wagon and crossed his arms in front of him. "He'd be some big time military officer, I'm sure - way at the top of the food chain just like he is now," he imagined before looking over at Jamie. "Now, your brother, Danny? I don't think I could even begin to guess at what he would be doing with his life if he weren't a cop; that boy's as blue as they come," he declared.

Jamie turned around and took a seat along the bumper of the car, running a hand across his damp brow. "Linda had a few ideas on what he'd be doing," he chuckled as he went through his sister-in-law's list of fallback career choices in his head.

"Like?"

Jamie smiled and shook his head. "She guessed that he'd either be laying bricks, doing construction, installing car radios or selling aluminum siding in Jersey somewhere," he listed.

Renzulli's forehead creased as he tried to picture Danny Reagan doing any of those things for a living, but couldn't really see any of them making the older Reagan brother truly happy. "Thank god for the job, then. Although, I could picture your brother as a construction worker for some reason - maybe it's the gruff, tough-guy attitude. That's not such a crazy image," he said with a shrug, he just didn't think it would be a fulfilling career for Danny. "So that leaves you, Harvard. Now you? You, I know, would be in a fancy suit in a courtroom somewhere spewing out a bunch of baloney to get some creep off the hook for a crime he probably committed."

"Hey! What happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?'" Jamie snickered.

Renzulli let out a belly laugh. "Yeah, right," he fired back.

Jamie couldn't help but smile at his partner, but his face turned serious as another realization came to mind which was hard to ignore. "Well, that's most likely what I would be doing. But chances are that I'd be married too," he said with a shrug as he continued on with his task. If he hadn't taken a detour from the career plans he and Sydney had made together when they were graduating from law school, he couldn't imagine that they wouldn't have made it to the altar. His decision to become a cop had been the downfall of their relationship and the reason she had left, right? That and the shock of Joe's murder which he stupidly investigated on his own, letting it consume him. Sometimes he still wondered about that - whether there had been other issues that were easily masked by his choice between the two jobs.

Renzulli grimaced sympathetically. "Yeah, I forgot about that," he responded, hesitating only for a moment before curiosity got the best of him. "You ever hear from your ex after she flew off to England?" he wondered.

Jamie stiffened a little at the question because of its answer. "No, but I hear things through the grapevine. She seems to be doing well," he said quickly.

Renzulli had never met the ex-fiancé, but thought it was a lousy thing she did - up and leaving a good kid like Jamie because she couldn't handle the idea of being married to a cop. He knew it was no cake walk, what with the worrying about the dangers that existed every time your spouse put on the uniform, but if she loved him, that should have been enough. It was that simple for him. But glancing at Jamie as he collected the drop cloths they'd laid out, he wondered if money was the only thing that could cause him to doubt his decision to become a cop. He didn't discuss his ex much, if ever, but he knew that Jamie had been bummed, to say the least, about her leaving. "So?" he asked as he took hold of one of the drop cloths from Jamie's arms and began to fold it up. "No regrets?"

Jamie gave Renzulli a tight smile. It wasn't the first time he'd been asked that question and while his mind would sometimes wonder about the what ifs, he still knew becoming a cop was the best decision he'd ever made. "No. No regrets," he said adamantly.

Renzulli was about to give him an 'atta boy' when he was interrupted by a piercing female scream and some angry male voices coming from the street.

Jamie was the first to react, letting the tarps fall from his arms as he ran around the open rear door of the station wagon and onto the front lawn of the house. Jamie felt Renzulli follow closely behind as he moved toward the voices, finding the source of the cries: a couple of teenagers were accosting a woman two doors down, right in her own driveway. The woman was struggling to get into her car and away from her assailants, clutching onto the steering wheel as one of the males fought to drag her out of the vehicle, surely looking to take it for himself. The other was standing guard, his eyes widening as he spotted Jamie and Renzulli several houses down. He reached over to warn his buddy just as the other kid managed to throw the woman roughly to the ground. The first male was approaching the woman again when a shout caught him off guard.

"Hey! Police!" Jamie identified himself and took off in a dead run.

The teens looked at each other quickly, both sharing the same thought: _Run!_ But one of boys wasn't going to leave empty handed, crouching to snag the woman's purse from the ground before sprinting after his buddy and heading towards a much busier Church Avenue.

Jamie followed, barely slowing to check on the dazed woman. But feeling that Renzulli was coming up right behind him, he took off after the fleeing perps. "Sarge, call for back up!" he yelled without so much as a glance back at his partner who was already assisting the victim.

"Reagan! Wait up!" Renzulli shouted after his partner as he pulled his phone from his pocket to dial 911. He kneeled down next to the frightened woman and groaned in frustration. "Damn kid!"

Jamie ran, taking a sharp right at Church Avenue. His legs pounded against the sidewalk, easily spotting the two boys as startled pedestrians scattered out of their way.

"Stop! Police!" Jamie yelled in between breaths, knowing that his orders would be ignored. All it earned him in return were glances over the perps' shoulders to check how close they were to being caught.

Jamie was grateful for the path that remained open for him on the sidewalk as he drew closer to the two little punks - right up until an unknowing middle-aged man stepped out of a deli and into Jamie's path. Jamie easily took him to ground in the collision, tumbling on top of the surprised man. "Jesus. Sorry," he gasped as he looked from the fallen man to his prey, cursing at the distance growing between them.

Jamie jumped to his feet and continued on his chase. The two were at least twenty yards ahead of him and pulling away when they rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight. Jamie upped his pace until he came to the edge of the last building he'd seen them pass, coming to a sudden halt so he could peak around the corner and scan what appeared to be an abandoned alley.

Jamie reached for his waist, cursing again when he realized he'd been on a job that didn't require a firearm to be clipped on to his belt. Instead, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, panting as he fought to slow his breathing. With the device in his hand, he took a few tentative steps around the corner, passing an empty doorway along the way. There was nothing but a pile of trash next to a rolling dumpster occupying the narrow alleyway. Jamie took in a deep breath and looked down at his phone, pulling up Renzulli's number. He hit the call button and was bringing the phone up to his ear when everything turned blissfully dark. Jamie was unconscious before he even hit the ground, oblivious to his partner's tiny voice calling out to him from the cell phone laying near his head...a cell phone which was soon picked up by a pair of grabby hands, leaving its owner behind bleeding in the filthy alley.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jamie sensed many things around him before he was fully conscious: the throbbing ache in his head was first and foremost; a sting at the crook of his elbow was the least of his discomforts; the strange smell of antiseptic and a funny tickling sensation under his nose were familiar but hard to place right now. All of it, if he thought real hard, were clues that could tell him where he was and, maybe, what had happened. But right now, he was stuck somewhere between blissful sleep and a painful consciousness he was all too happy to ignore. However, the soothing voices that were carrying on a quiet conversation next to him drew him closer to what would soon be a most unpleasant wakefulness.

"I'm here, Jamie," a soft feminine voice cooed.

Suddenly, a male cleared their throat rather loudly.

"Sorry. I meant to say _we're_ here," the female corrected.

"Wow. He's been out a long time, huh?" a male voice asked quietly, concern clearly evident in his tone.

"Yes, well the doctors said he has a concussion," the female replied just as delicate fingers affectionately caressed his cheek. "Poor Jamie. Why did they have to hurt him?" she lamented.

"Because they're punks, that's why. I'm gonna have to teach the kid how to defend himself -," the male voice began to rant but was interrupted by the low ringing of a phone.

"Oh, shoot. It's my boss," the woman announced nervously, pausing only for a short moment as she decided whether to answer, but realizing quickly she had no choice. "I have to take this; I was supposed to be in court with him today. I'll be right back, okay?" the female excused herself.

"Sure. Take your time. I'll keep watch over sleeping beauty over here," the male drawled. "But I'm not kissing him. That's more your job!" he shouted after the retreating woman, grimacing as he realized he'd raised his voice in what was supposed to be a quiet zone. "Come on, little brother. Let us know you're still in there somewhere," he whispered to the still form.

It was his brother, Jamie realized and he rolled his head toward the sound of his voice, quickly groaning and returning his head to its original position on the pillow when the movement caused the pain to crank up a few notches. His eyelids, relaxed a minute ago, were now squeezed tight as he also fought against a rising swell of nausea that came out of nowhere. A chair scraped across linoleum flooring as a large, warm hand lay across his forearm.

"Hey, Jamie? Come on, little brother. Open up those baby blues. I think you got a couple of nurses waiting to check them out," he goaded, trying to hide the worry that had been sitting in the pit of his stomach over the last few hours.

Jamie's face was pinched in pain yet he still struggled to open his eyes. The pull to go back to sleep was strong and so tempting, but the need for answers and his brother's encouraging words pushed him to awaken further. Jamie managed to open his eyes slowly as he steadied his breathing. From his position on the gurney, a blurry white tiled ceiling was the only thing he saw. He closed his eyes at the calming presence to his right, the familiar voice pleading for him to stay with him while the pain in his head reduced to manageable levels. Jamie reopened his eyes and although still fuzzy, his vision was clearer than it had been moments ago. He stared dumbly at the ceiling and sighed as a face swam into his line of sight. One corner of his mouth curled slightly into some semblance of a smile, but it quickly turned into a frown at the realization of who was floating above him.

"Hey! Good to see you back with us, J," the visitor greeted with great relief.

Jamie's eyes snapped shut and he wondered what was wrong with him. His heart stuttered in his chest when he reopened them and saw the same face again. "Joe?" he gasped.

Joe smiled hesitantly, happy to see his brother awake and cognizant enough to recognize him, but he sensed that something was off with him. "Jamie? Hey, you okay?" he asked.

Jamie's eyes widened and his breathing became erratic as he struggled to shirk away from the ghost hovering over him, but there was nowhere for him to go in the tiny confines of the gurney while tethered to medical equipment by various wires and tubes.

Joe saw panic in his little brother's eyes which caused him to panic in return. He glanced over his shoulder, hoping to spot a nurse or doctor, but turned back quickly when he heard the rapid gasps coming from Jamie's mouth. "Jamie? Hey! Hey, calm down!" Joe ordered as his brother's panicked state began to frighten him. He reached over and placed a calming hand on Jamie's shoulder only to have him pull away as if burned.

"No! Don't," Jamie rasped, his eyes widening in fear as they filled with tears. He desperately searched the room, recognizing it as an emergency room, for someone, anyone else, but found himself alone with an apparition who was now reaching out for him again. He couldn't believe what he was seeing - didn't believe it - and yet he couldn't keep his eyes off his dead brother. He didn't even know what he was doing in a hospital and began to feel smothered. Jamie pulled at the wires and tubes that were attached to him as his urge to flee grew stronger.

"Don't what, man?" Joe asked, becoming more alarmed when Jamie began grabbing at the various medical paraphernalia he was connected to. "Hey! You need to leave that stuff alone; you need it! What's the matter?" he begged. He held his hands out to try and comfort his confused brother, but he was too afraid to touch him again and cause him more distress...although Joe didn't think that was possible at this point.

"You're not real!" Jamie shouted as the tears spilled over . The little color he had prior to waking drained from his face while he pulled the nasal cannula over his head. This couldn't be real. No matter how many times he wished Joe had never died in the line of duty or how often he cursed Sonny Malevski and the Blue Templar, the fact remained that Joe was dead and nothing could change that.

"What?" Joe asked, not understanding what was happening.

But neither did Jamie. Despite the pounding in his head and the disturbing way the room swayed, Jamie scurried back to the top of the wobbly gurney, away from Joe. "You're not real. Go away!" he pleaded as he closed his eyes, grabbing at his aching head while praying for this painful nightmare to end. _He didn't believe in ghosts. This wasn't real_ , he repeated to himself.

"Hey, relax," Joe attempted to soothe his brother while turning to frantically shout in the other direction. "Hey! I need some help in here!"

The fast approaching footsteps sounded in the hallway just before the curtain suddenly flew open to reveal a petite brunette. She stepped into the treatment bay, a heavy frown spread across her face as she eyed the way the patient was staring at his brother. "What's going on?" she asked worriedly while she looked between both men. She stepped over to the other side of the gurney while dropping the items in her hands onto the bedside table.

Jamie turned to face the newcomer, his face growing paler than anyone thought possible. "Sydney?" he whispered in confusion. "I don't...why are you here?" he stammered. "What's happening?" he asked as he looked from one ghost to another and the tears continued to roll down his cheeks.

"What do you mean, honey? Where else would I be? You're my husband," she explained, not understanding why she even felt the need to state the obvious to Jamie.

"Your what?" Jamie gasped. He was now at risk of passing out as black dots danced across his vision. Not only was he seeing things, now he was hearing them too. Sydney was gone; she'd left him. They were never married!

"Jamie? What's wrong, honey?! You're scaring me," Sydney cried as she grasped his arm, afraid he was going to tumble to the ground.

Joe could see that Jamie was on the verge of hyperventilating and he was at risk of the same himself considering what he was witnessing. "Hey, J, you need to slow your breathing, man. You're gonna pass out in a minute if you don't calm down," he warned.

"No, no, no. What is going on?" Jamie muttered and swallowed thickly as he tried to keep from throwing up from the pain and confusion that was consuming him.

Sydney could only look on, one hand pressed up against her lips as her own eyes watered. She was scared that there was something more serious going on than just the concussion the doctors diagnosed Jamie with. Her own stomach was staging a revolt at the thought that she might have lost her Jamie.

"Calm -" Joe started to say as he reached out to Jamie again.

"No! Don't touch me! Where's dad?! And Danny and Erin!? Why am I here!? What's going on?!" Jamie yelled, now in a full blown panic attack that brought a doctor, several nurses and an orderly running to his treatment bay.

"Step aside, please," the graying doctor ordered as he physically moved Joe away from his patient. "Mr. Reagan? Calm down. Are you okay?" he asked gently as he reached for the younger man, concerned that he would teeter off the end of the gurney and injure himself further.

Jamie looked at the doctor and then at the nurse who'd moved Sydney away from him as well, his chest heaving as he fought for air. "No. No. What's...going on? Why...are they...here?" he gasped, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"Who?" The doctor asked as a nurse pulled an oxygen mask from a bin on the wall.

"Them!" Jamie accused with his eyes. "They're...they shouldn't be here!" he shouted as the mask was positioned over his face.

"They're your family, sir," the doctor reminded him as he whispered over his shoulder, ordering meds and another CT for his patient. "Your wife and brother," he clarified.

"No! They're not...they're not supposed to be here," Jamie swore.

"Jamie, man...," Joe began from the far corner of the room where he had been left to observe alongside his sister-in-law. He exchanged a look with the younger woman, sharing the same concerns and fears for Jamie. He'd never witnessed this kind of behavior from his little brother and it was freaking him out.

"Honey, what's the matter?" Sydney asked while tears began to run down her cheeks.

"I'm gonna need you two to step out," the doctor ordered as he realized he wouldn't be able to calm his patient down until the obvious sources of his distress were out of sight.

"What?!" Joe asked incredulously, not wanting to leave his brother alone.

"Why?!" Sydney followed.

"He's in distress and confused. It's the head injury," he explained as if Jamie wasn't in the room, "but we need to stabilize him and we can't have you in here," he finished and turned to help ease Jamie down onto the gurney again. The mask was helping to slow his breathing, but his frightened eyes remained frozen on Sydney and Joe.

"I'm not leaving him. He's my husband!"

"And he's my brother!"

"I need to know what's going on with him!" Sydney demanded.

"And I won't be able to determine that until I get him settled again," the doctor shouted at his patient's family before turning stern eyes toward an orderly. "Get them out now," he instructed.

An orderly forced the pair out of the room while the doctor nodded over at the nurse standing across from him. At his signal she began emptying a syringe into Jamie's IV line.

"Just relax, Mr. Reagan. Just take some deep breaths and we're going to run some more tests."

Jamie felt his body doing just that but was desperate for answers. "What's happening?" he pleaded as his eyelids opened and closed sluggishly.

"That's exactly what we're going to find out," he promised as he monitored his patient.

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 _So? Did anyone see that coming? I would love to hear your thoughts._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to all who reviewed Chapter 2. Seems that I was able to surprise most people with Joe and Sydney's appearances. I hope you continue to enjoy._

Chapter 3

Jamie was resurfacing again with the help of a hand gently shaking his shoulder.

"Hey, kid? You with me?" he heard a male voice ask.

That voice he would know anywhere. "Danny?" Jamie muttered as his eyes slowly slipped open to find his oldest brother hovering over him.

"Yeah. Who else, would it be?" Danny replied with a questioning look. He studied his little brother, weary of just how seriously he'd been hurt.

Suddenly another friendly face came into view.

"Hey, little brother," Erin whispered with a relieved smile, happy to see him awake and cognizant - so far.

"Erin," he sighed as he turned his head to take in his surroundings - no longer in the ER, but now in a dimly lit, private hospital room.

"Well, looks like they didn't knock all his marbles loose; he still recognizes us and he's not freaking out...yet," Danny assessed lightly.

"No, but you gave everyone quite the scare," Erin confirmed.

Jamie looked between his siblings, expecting to find someone else there with them. "Where's dad?" he inquired as he reached up to touch the sore spot on the side of his head.

Danny grabbed his hand just as soon as it made contact with the bandage. "Let that be, huh?" he instructed. "Dad's on his way. After your little spaz attack in the ER, we all got the call to come down here just in case that Harvard brain of yours had been scrambled beyond repair," he said.

Jamie closed his eyes and blew out a heavy breath, still feeling a little discombobulated by the nightmare he had, but thoroughly relieved that it was over. It had all seemed so damned real before.

Erin rolled her eyes at her older brother's flippant words. "Danny," she admonished.

Danny shrugged innocently. "What? It's true. I had to leave a big meeting to get here. Traffic is murder at this time of day in this city," he complained. "Any time of day, actually...," he added.

Erin sighed at her brother's priorities. "I'm sure your meeting could wait," she argued.

Danny crossed his arms in front of him, causing the logo on his long sleeved shirt to pop out at Jamie - Anderson Industries, it read. Jamie frowned at the unfamiliar name. _Why would Danny be wearing that?_ he asked himself.

"In my business, every second and every lead counts," Danny countered.

"You'd think he was saving lives..." Erin muttered under her breath, which deepened Jamie's frown.

Their bickering was nothing new to Jamie; he'd been accustomed to hearing it all of his life. What Jamie found strange was Erin's comment - of course Danny was saving lives, he was a detective. But Jamie ignored it for now, he was just glad for the familiar sounds of his siblings arguing.

Erin observed Jamie as he ran a hand over his weary eyes. Aside from the head injury, he had come away from his ordeal relatively unharmed. "You okay?" she asked worriedly, her motherly instincts clearly coming out in full force.

"Yeah," Jamie assured her. "What happened? How'd I end up here?" he asked as he tried piecing things together but failed miserably - his memory was full of gaps in time.

"You don't remember anything?" Erin prompted.

Jamie paused to think for a moment but nothing that explained why he was in a hospital bed came to mind. "No. Nothing," he confirmed.

"What'd I tell ya, kid? That stupid car you rode around in was a giant neon sign for 'come get me, scumbags'," Danny grumbled in disgust.

"What do you mean?" Jamie replied with a frown. His Mustang was sporty but it wasn't flashy...not really anyway.

Erin shook her head at her older brother. "Ignore him," she instructed. "The police said you got carjacked. It seemed like you tried defending yourself, but they hit you pretty hard over the head while they were dragging you out of the car. There were a few witnesses and they called the police, but they were gone before anyone could get to you," she explained. "The responding officers still need to speak to you to get your statement, but I guess you won't have much to add," she said with some disappointment. It would have made the police and, subsequently, her office's job easier if Jamie could identify whoever did this to him.

Jamie was a little stunned by Erin's recount of the incident. He didn't remember any of that. The last thing he could recall was running after someone or something but it was all pretty fuzzy. He breathed out a sigh as the ache in his head started up again while he struggled to remember something, but was just grateful to be alive _._ "Oh, man. Well, it was just a Mustang, right?" he reasoned, knowing that his life was more important than a car.

"Mustang?" Danny asked as his brow furrowed.

Jamie shrugged. "It's just a car," he said.

"I think his brain's still scrambled," he whispered to Erin, but still loud enough for Jamie to hear. "And that's funny coming from you, the way you go on about the stupid Beamer of yours," he pointed out.

"Beamer?" Jamie asked in confusion.

"Yeah, your car, Jamie!" Danny snapped, letting himself get easily worked up just like he had in the past over the stupid car his brother chose to drive. "I told you it was stupid to drive that flashy BMW considering the scum you represent. All they have to do is tell a buddy where to find it while you're in court trying to get them off the hook for a crime they most likely committed," Danny ranted.

"Court?" Jamie asked, but was distracted when Erin stepped in to keep Danny under control.

Erin glared at Danny, silently reprimanding him for trying to start an argument while their brother lay concussed in the hospital. "What's important is that you're alright. Or, at least, you will be with a little rest," she soothed. The doctor had said that it was important to keep Jamie calm.

"Just do your best not to freak out again with your brother and wife. Gramps has them in the cafeteria, forcing some tea down their throats after the scare you gave them," Danny explained.

Jamie narrowed his eyes at Danny as his stomach began to sink. The alarm he'd felt the last time he'd woken up was making a reappearance - first the BMW, then the mention of him in court and now a reference to his brother and wife. "My what?"

"Jesus. Maybe this really is bad," Erin admitted, her eyes widening at the confusion on her little brother's face.

"Sydney and Joe, Jamie! They got scared after your episode in the emergency room," Danny reminded him as he observed the younger man closely. He shared a look with his sister, her expression mirrored on his own face.

"But that was a dream," Jamie explained, so certain that it hadn't been real; it couldn't have been.

"I'm sure they both wish that were true too," Danny replied.

Jamie looked frantically from one sibling to the other, waiting for some tell, some sign that proved they were just pulling his leg. This had to be a joke - a bad joke - but a joke nonetheless. However, their expressions of concern didn't waver, not for one second. "Joe? He's alive?" he asked in total disbelief, wondering how they could joke about something so painful.

"I think he's gonna blow again," Danny commented, his own eyes widening at hearing his brother's questions.

"No, he's not," Erin countered, determined not to let her brother escalate into another panic attack. She enveloped Jamie's left hand in hers and cupped his face with the other. "Hey, Jamie. Look at me, baby brother," she urged and didn't continue until Jamie's blue eyes were locked onto her own. "Good. I know things are confusing, but it's just the head injury. The whole family is here for you. Me, Danny, Gramps, Joe and Sydney," she said, noticing the emotion that flashed across Jamie's face at the mention of the last two names.

Jamie's breathing quickened as he felt himself begin to panic again. "Why would you say that?" he whispered. He continued to focus on Erin, waiting for everything to make sense again.

Erin stared back in confusion but was desperate to keep Jamie calm. "And dad will be here soon. He was taking a flight from D.C.," she added to make sure he knew their father would also be here for him.

"Washington?" Jamie blurted out.

"Yeah, genius!" Danny barked, his irritation masking the worry for his brother.

Jamie couldn't remember his father mentioning a trip, but then again, he was having trouble remembering a lot of things. He shook his aching head gently and went back to what was most shocking to him.

"Why do you keep mentioning Joe? He's okay?" he asked, his voice cracking with emotion. Jamie felt his eyes fill at the thought that his beloved brother was here, wanting to believe the unthinkable was true.

"Of course," Erin promised, feeling her own eyes tear up at Jamie's reaction.

"Alive and well, being the same pain in the ass he always is," Danny replied, picking up on the inexplicable and intense emotion radiating from Jamie.

"But how? And Sydney?" Jamie trailed off as he held up his left hand, his eyes widening when the dim lighting in the room glimmered off the platinum band around his ring finger. "Jesus. I'm married?" he gasped as a tear escaped his right eye.

"Yeah," Danny confirmed with some trepidation. "And try not to act so surprised or disappointed; the wives hate that," he warned.

Jamie's eyes frantically roamed the room as he tried to make sense of this. How was that possible? Sydney left; she gave him his mother's ring along with a broken heart, all while he was carrying on an investigation into Joe's murder on his own. It took him a long time to get over her. How was any of this possible?

"Jamie, do you need the doctor?" Erin asked. She was struggling to keep it together, now understanding Joe and Sydney's distressed states when she had first arrived at the hospital. There was something wrong with her brother, like only part of reality made sense to him.

Jamie rolled his head against the pillow and stared up at the white ceiling, blinking away the rest of the moisture from his eyes. "No. No, I just...this is all so strange," he confessed. He took deep, shuddering breaths in an effort to get a grip of himself.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Jamie couldn't help chuckling at Danny's typical, gruff comeback. But much to the distress of his siblings, the chuckle turned into a muffled sob he was unable to hold back. And although he was confused as hell about what was going on, he was in tears over the thought that Joe was alive and just a short distance away. Danny and Erin seemed to be okay with it - like it was all normal for Joe to be alive and Sydney to be his wife. And while the idea of it was freaking him out, their ease with it was helping Jamie accept it too. It was a dream come true. And that's what this had to be; he couldn't stop thinking that this had to be some sort of dream. But right now, he didn't care if it was, because he'd give anything to see his best friend again. He wanted nothing more than to see Joe alive and well.

Jamie gave Danny and Erin a small, shaky smile which only served to worry them more than they already were.


	4. Chapter 4

_So I guess I've managed to confuse some people about as badly as poor confused Jamie. Unfortunately, it's not over for him...please review! :)_

Chapter 4

Danny and Erin joined the rest of the family in the waiting room when Jamie's doctor arrived to reassess him. The five present members of the family huddled in the center of the room, discussing their concerns for the youngest Reagan sibling, oblivious to the other families waiting for news on their own loved ones.

"You guys were right, there is something seriously wrong with him," Erin confirmed as she crossed her arms to still her trembling hands. She felt about as shaky as Sydney had appeared when she'd first arrived at the hospital.

Henry was the only person in the room who hadn't been in to see Jamie yet. He took it upon himself to soothe his frazzled grandson and granddaughter after the incident in the emergency room. Up until this point, he'd been hopeful that what Joe and Sydney had witnessed wasn't really as bad as they had described. "What are you talking about? Didn't he remember you two?" he asked his older grandchildren.

Danny shrugged and shook his head simultaneously, having trouble making sense of what was going through his youngest brother's head, which made it impossible to explain it to the rest of the group. "Yeah, he remembered us. But every time we mentioned Sydney and Joe, he would just get all weird," he said as he walked away to pace the room. He was full of nervous energy after leaving Jamie's room.

Joe pointed a finger at his older brother accusingly. "See! What did I tell you?! He looked at us like we were ghosts or something," he said as he glanced over at Sydney. She looked like she was on the verge of her own little breakdown. "I'm telling you this is more than a concussion and if that quack in there can't figure it out, then we gotta take him somewhere else. He probably has some fancy insurance to go with that fancy job of his that can pay for the best doctors," Joe ranted in typical Reagan fashion.

Sydney shook her head, more troubled by what she was hearing. She had been hoping the incident downstairs had been some sort of weird spell - the result of waking up disoriented in the emergency room. But it didn't seem that this was getting any better. "Wait a minute, you said he remembered the two of you and he was okay?" she questioned.

"Yeah," Danny responded as he resumed his post within the group again.

"And you'd talk about us," Sydney motioned between herself and Joe, "and he would...," she prompted them along with a flick of her wrist, afraid of the response she was about to receive.

Danny wasn't one to sugar-coat anything and blurted out exactly what ran across his mind. "Act like he was shocked you even existed."

Henry's face became pinched upon hearing Danny's blunt statement.

Sydney gasped, her eyes widening at the idea that her own husband didn't know who she was. "He doesn't remember me?" she puzzled. _How was that possible? She was his wife!_ she thought to herself.

Erin shot a glare at her older brother for alarming the younger woman. "No, it's not that he's forgotten you," she corrected.

"Then what?" Sydney demanded.

"He said your name like he kind of knows who you are..." Erin tried to explain more gently, but she knew Sydney wouldn't be happy knowing Jamie had forgotten a single minute detail about her.

"Kind of?" Sydney asked, her eyes still big.

"Just not that you're married. He looked at his wedding band like it was some foreign object," Danny finished, not wanting to spend all day explaining the conversation they'd had with Jamie.

Sydney's already pale face turned a shade whiter, panicking even though no one fully understood the situation they were dealing with. "Oh my god! He's got amnesia?!" she shrieked. A million thoughts ran through her mind as she began to panic: would he ever remember her? Would she be able to take care of him? What about their careers? Would he ever be the man she married?

Henry reached over to comfort the poor girl when he saw the tears pool in her eyes.

Danny grimaced at Sydney's reaction. It wasn't his intention to send her into hysterics. "Well, not completely. There are just some gaps in his memory or something. I don't know..." he said, throwing his arms up in the air in defeat, no longer knowing what to say to make this any better.

"But what's his deal with me? He recognized me, that much I know, but then it was as if I was the last person he ever expected to see. He kept telling me that I wasn't real," he said. He and Jamie were close, like best friends, and to see his own brother completely terrified of him had been one of the worst experiences of his life. The frantic calls to the rest of the family after it happened had been proof of that.

"Who the hell knows, Joe," Danny replied. "It's like he's got some wires crossed or something."

Joe ran his hands across his scalp and grasped the back of his neck in frustration. "Oh, crap!"

"Crap what? How's Jamie?" a deep, baritone voice asked from the entryway. The group turned in unison to face Frank as he dropped a duffle bag and cap on to one of the chairs.

"Dad!"

"Hey, Dad."

"Francis."

Frank nodded at his family went to his daughter-in-law first after noticing her tear-streaked face. "How are you, sweetheart?" he greeted as he leaned over to give her a hug.

"Not sure how to answer that question yet, Frank," Sydney responded sadly as she pulled away from her father-in-law.

"What's going on? Why are you all here in the waiting room?" Frank inquired, worried that something else had happened while he'd been rushing to get to New York from Washington.

"The doc's in with Jamie now," Henry explained.

Frank nodded but it didn't explain the expressions on their faces. "Is he awake and cognizant? Someone tell me what's going on because the last call I got from Joe nearly gave me a heart attack," he ordered.

Joe grimaced, wishing he could have a do-over with the calls he made - it had not been his intention to panic the rest of the family before they got a chance to see Jamie for themselves. "Sorry, Pop. It was a little overwhelming to see him so out of it in the emergency room," he said sheepishly.

"Don't apologize, son. I understand, but just tell me what's going on," Frank instructed, noticing that Joe still appeared upset.

"The doctor ordered another head CT and an MRI and everything came back negative. He has no concerns about bleeding or clots, but he's definitely concussed," Erin repeated the doctor's words.

"Well, that's good," Frank replied, but based on the expressions each member of the family wore, he knew it wasn't all good news.

"It has him confused," Danny added.

Frank's eyes narrowed and he nervously put his hands in his pockets as he often did when expecting bad news. "Confused, how?" he asked.

"For starters, he doesn't remember anything about the carjacking," Joe began.

"That's understandable," Frank replied. It wasn't unusual to block out a traumatic event.

"What's not understandable is his memory as to a few of us," Joe continued.

"What do you mean?"

"He remembers everyone, but acts up when we mention Sydney and Joe," Erin clarified, aware of how the statement caused her sister-in-law to flinch.

"Acts up how?" Frank asked, not understanding any of what they were saying.

"He was surprised he and Sydney were married and Joe...well, with Joe, I'm not sure how to explain it," Danny said.

"He knows me, but for some reason he doesn't think I'm real," Joe jumped in to explain in the simplest way he knew how even though he didn't understand it himself.

"Come again?" Frank shot back with a frown.

"I can't explain it any better, pop. He knows me, but just didn't expect to see me I guess. Like he thinks I'm gone for some reason," Joe shrugged. The thought that his brother believed he was gone or even dead was upsetting.

Frank frowned at the picture that was being painted of Jamie's mental state.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Reagan?" a male voice called out from the doorway.

Sydney spun around quickly, recognizing the neurologist assigned to Jamie's case. "Oh, Dr. Roberts! How's Jamie?" she asked.

The doctor stepped over to his patient's wife as the rest of his family surrounded her. "He's stable," he confirmed.

"I doubt that," Danny muttered, which earned him some dirty looks from various family members.

The doctor either didn't hear the comment or ignored it because he continued on. "I understand from his visit with his brother and sister that there seemed to be some significant gaps in his memory, but I can assure you that we've run every test imaginable and ruled out every physical malady we can think of having to do with the head injury he suffered; no signs of skull fracture, hematomas, brain swelling, stroke or aneurysm."

"Then how do you explain his behavior?" Erin asked.

"And his selective memories as to some of us?" Sydney followed up. She just needed to know why Jamie couldn't remember their marriage. She couldn't stand the thought that he could see her as something akin to a stranger.

The balding doctor looked them in the eye and simply said, "Selective amnesia due to emotional trauma." When he received six sets of puzzled looks, he explained further. "It's not uncommon with the type of traumatic incident and subsequent injury he experienced, but I've ordered a psych consult just to be safe."

"So he is nuts," Danny gathered.

"Daniel," Henry admonished.

"I think it will all come back in time, he just needs rest. He should be ready to go home tomorrow barring any additional incidents or complications with orders to follow-up with my office. And now, if you'll excuse me. I have another patient to check on," Dr. Roberts said and walked away to return to his rounds.

"Thanks, doctor," Danny replied, pausing momentarily, only to continue when the physician was out of earshot, "for nothing!"

The group remained stunned with no more information on Jamie's condition than they had before.

Frank sighed and pointed to the doorway. "I'm going to check on him. Give me a few minutes alone with him, please," he requested.

"Alright, dad," Erin said and gave her father the room number.

Frank walked down the hallway to his son's room. He'd been pulled out of a meeting to take a call from Joe saying that Jamie had suffered some sort of head injury in a carjacking. Joe had been so upset on the phone that he'd been unable to say anything more than to beg that he get to New York as soon as possible. That kind of request from his normally calm and composed son was frightening, so much so that he'd been expecting grave news on Jamie's condition when he arrived.

Frank placed his hand against the heavy wood door to Jamie's room and took a breath as he pushed it open, peaking inside before stepping over the threshold. It was terrifying to think that his child was hurt or ill and another thing completely to see it with his own eyes. "Jamie?" he called out softly as he eyed the still figure on the hospital bed.

Jamie lay back against his pillow with his eyes closed. The head of the bed had been raised slightly. He turned toward his visitor, smiling when he recognized his father. "Hey, dad," he greeted.

Frank smiled back warmly, happy to be recognized as he shoved his hands into the pockets of the long, tan trenchcoat he wore. He pursed his lips nervously while he stepped over to the side of the bed, skimming over the large bandage on Jamie's head. Frank was grateful he wasn't sporting any other injuries, although this head injury seemed serious enough. "How are you feeling, son?" he asked gently.

Jamie shrugged. He was at a loss like the rest of them. The doctor said it was the trauma and that everything should come back to him, but he didn't agree. He thought it was something else, he just didn't know what that was yet. But he got scared when he mentioned a psych consult and had instantly clammed up with the good doctor to avoid any suspicions that he was crazy. "Okay, I guess."

"Yeah?" Frank said, more hopeful of the response he received than he should probably allow himself to feel.

But Jamie never was able to lie to his father. "Kind of confused, actually," he admitted sadly. He looked down at his lap and picked at a loose thread in the blanket.

"So the doctor and the family said," Frank replied. He watched as several emotions flashed across his son's face. "What is it, Jamie?"

Jamie swallowed thickly and looked up at his father. He was risking sounding like a nutjob by asking this, but if there was one person he trusted most in this world, it was his father. He'd always tell him the truth. "Joe...is he really here?"

Frank's head tilted to the side as he held Jamie's gaze. Although he'd been warned, he was still surprised to be asked that question. "Of course. I understand he's the first one to get here when news got out that you were in the ER," he answered, noticing something he couldn't quite pinpoint in Jamie's expression. Was that grief he was seeing?

"And he's okay?" Jamie asked, his tone both hopeful and pained.

"Yes. What did you think happened to him, Jamie?" Frank asked, hoping to shed some light on this whole situation.

Jamie let out a ragged breath. "It's going to sound crazy. This whole thing is crazy," he whispered as he went back to pulling on the loose thread. "He died, dad," he said as he met his father's eyes to gage how far gone he really was based upon his father's reaction.

Frank shook his head adamantly and sat along the edge of the bed so that he was at eye level with his son. "No, Jamie. Why would you think that?" He could understand the fright at seeing someone you thought was dead, but Frank was more worried about how such an idea even made its way into Jamie's head.

Now he knew he was crazy. Jamie lived through Joe's death - the funeral; the grieving. How was it that he was here now? "I don't know. I just...I don't understand what's happening," he confessed.

Frank reached out to still Jamie's shaky hands. "It's okay, son," he assured him. "All you need to know is that everyone is here. Everyone is healthy and we're all just happy to know you're going to be alright." At least Frank hoped as much.

Jamie had continued to tell himself this was still a dream, but looking down at his father's large warm hand where it held both his own in a firm and reassuring grip, he he'd be lying if he said it didn't feel real. So he took his father's gesture for what it was - acceptance that he wasn't well right now and his promise to see him through this. Jamie nodded, letting out a deep breath.

Frank could see Jamie relaxing and smiled. He got up and turned around to remove his coat, folding it carefully before he laid it across the small love seat near the window. He had no where else to be right now other than by his son's bedside. Frank didn't miss the frown on Jamie's face when he turned back around. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Jamie laughed nervously as his eyes ran up and down his father's get-up. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Like what, Jamie?" Frank asked as he looked down at himself, running his hands along the perfectly pressed jacket of his service uniform.

Jamie suspiciously eyed the olive green military officer uniform, taking in the countless decorations on his jacket and the stars pinned to his shoulders. His eyes widened, adding this to the long list of things that had been wrong since he'd woken up. Jamie sat up in bed as he addressed his father. "Why's the PC wearing a military uniform?"

"PC?" Frank replied.

"Police Commissioner," Jamie said slowly as the throbbing in his head increased once again.

Frank's head snapped back. Now he was the one that was confused. "What are you talking about, Jamie?" he asked gently.

 _His dad was the PC, he was a cop through and through_ , he thought to himself. "You're the Police Commissioner for the NYPD...," Jamie paused as his father's face became increasingly concerned, his expressive brows creasing dramatically and conveying more with their simple movement than a thousand words ever could. Then some other things started to fall into place and if his father wasn't PC - wasn't a cop - then what was he? What were Danny and Joe? "Oh, god," he gasped as his heart began to race again. This whole nightmare was never ending.

"Jamie, just stay calm, son," Frank pleaded.

"You're not the PC," Jamie stated more to himself than to his father.

"No, son," Frank confirmed as he took a seat in the chair next to Jamie's bed.

"What are you?" Jamie asked as his eyes roamed across his father's uniform again.

Frank was hesitant to say anything that would be confirmation of another lost memory for his son, but replied honestly. "A general in the US Marine Corps," he said matter-of-factly.

That was when everything really hit him and he looked at his father. "I'm a cop, right? And Danny, he's an NYPD detective?" he asked nervously. And then he thought of Joe. "Is Joe a cop?"

Frank shook his head slowly, his heart sinking as he finally beared witness to the odd behavior the family had described, but they hadn't mentioned anything about this. "No, son. You're an attorney, like your sister, remember?"

"I'm a lawyer," he whispered in awe, his eyes blinking repeatedly as he let those words sink in. "And Danny and Joe?"

Frank breathed in through his nose. He was afraid of making things worse but he answered honestly. "Danny sells aluminum siding and Joe's a high school history teacher and football coach," he advised, watching for signs that Jamie's anxiety was escalating again.

Jamie brought the heels of his hands up to his face and pressed them against his eyes until he saw nothing but white stars under his lids. He fought to keep his breathing even, afraid to let his father think he was even crazier than everyone else had surely reported already. He had a strange memory flitter across his mind of a family dinner, sitting around and talking with the men in his family, but he couldn't see Joe in it. When he brought his hands down, his tired eyes met Frank's. "Nothing makes sense," he confessed. This wasn't his life. This wasn't any of their lives and except for Joe being alive and Sydney being his wife, he didn't think he could accept any of it. How could they not be cops? It was who they were!

"I know, son, but it will get better. You just need some time and some rest, that's all," Frank assured him. He was already making plans in his head for a short leave of absence. There was no way he was going back to D.C. with his youngest child in this condition.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks again for all the reviews!_

Chapter 5

Jamie sat on the edge of the hospital bed, dressed in the khakis, buttondown shirt and loafers Sydney had dropped off that morning before she headed to court. Jamie felt a little over dressed for a car ride home, but how could he complain? Maybe this was normal for him now.

Normal...the visit with Sydney that morning had been anything but.

 _Jamie lay awake in the bed, staring out the window of his hospital room. He'd been up most of the night, falling asleep for short periods of time only to startle awake and be repeatedly disappointed when he'd find himself in the same hospital room in this same strange bizarro world._

 _After his father's arrival yesterday afternoon, most of the family had come back in for a visit - everyone except for Joe, which was both disappointing and a relief. Although still shocked to learn he was alive, he was the one person Jamie wanted to see the most. But he wasn't so sure he would have succeeded with his charade if he'd been there._

 _Jamie had done his best to play along, acting like everything they told him was true was normal and not show any more cracks, especially after remembering the psych consult the doctor mentioned. The last thing he wanted or needed was to have this admission extended or worse yet, to get transferred to the psych ward for an indefinite amount of time. If he was going to figure out what was going on, he'd do it outside the confines of this hospital._

 _Keeping those cracks in check had been exhausting and painful, especially when his grandfather had started going on and on about his days in the ladies' shoe department at Macy's, recanting old stories about difficult customers and run-ins with celebrities. It was clear that it was his grandfather's attempt to keep the group distracted and the mood light, but Henry Reagan and women's shoes just didn't add up and all it did was stress him out even more. But not more than the real kicker - Danny's complaints about some of the people he had to deal with in the aluminum siding business._

 _Aluminum siding, Danny? Really?_

 _Regardless, Jamie had kept his mouth shut, smiling and nodding along with the rest of the family when neccessary. He didn't utter one word, but his heart was hammering away in his chest in rhythm to the pounding in his head when yet another Reagan man confirmed a career away from law enforcement._ _Fatigue had him zoning out after a while and he'd been left to rest before visiting hours were even over. But true rest eluded him throughout the night and here he lay just waiting for the next shoe to drop._

 _"Jamie?" Sydney called out softly from the doorway, not wanting to startle him._

 _Jamie turned towards the sound of her voice. "Hi," he rasped and gave her a small welcoming smile...God, she was beautiful, even with the worry visible on her face._

 _Sydney smiled back, happy to see the recognition in his eyes but she was still apprehensive of any other possible signs of trouble. "Morning," she greeted him properly and stepped into the room carrying a briefcase and a small duffle bag. "How are you feeling?" she asked while depositing the items on to the guest chair. Sydney perched along the edge of the bed, taking hold of Jamie's hand and leaning in to kiss him on the lips._

 _It took all of Jamie's efforts not to flinch, not because it was unwanted, just unexpected and something he thought he'd never experience again in his life. The kiss was soft and familiar, causing a rush of emotion to flow through him. They shared a smile when Sydney pulled away and it made him remember the love he'd had for her once (maybe even still had?) before she'd left him to escape the dangers and stress of his career and to further her own._

 _"Okay...heads still hurts a little," he answered._

 _"I'm sorry," she apologized while brushing his unruly hair with her fingers._

 _"Not your fault," Jamie replied, closing his eyes to enjoy the gesture._

 _Sydney sat up straight and studied him, still weary of his mental state. "I brought you some clothes and toiletries. The doctor said you'll be discharged this morning," she advised him._

 _That caused Jamie to perk up. He was ready to get out of this place. "That's great."_

 _"Yeah, it is," Sydney agreed, but looked down to where their hands lay intertwined hating to say the following words. "Unfortunately, I have to head to court. I already missed jury selection in my case. Opening statements are later this morning."_

 _"Oh," Jamie said, finally taking in the gray suit under her coat and the way her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She was most certainly dressed for court. Jamie was conflicted on how to feel about that. As silly as it sounded, part of him wanted her to stay, to care for him while he was injured and struggling with everything even though she was one of the anomalies in this strange world. They were married after all. And the fact that she had to leave him for work stung a little...probably because of past experiences. The other part of him was grateful that she had to leave because he didn't think he could stand to be the recipient of the strange looks she was giving him. She was searching for the cracks he was fighting to hide from all of them._

 _Sydney only saw disappointment in his face, which made her feel guilty. "I'm sorry. If it wasn't for the trial -"_

 _"Don't worry about it, Syd. It's fine," he assured her. "I'm an attorney too. I know how it is, right?" he added for good measure._

 _Sydney's expression releaxed, thankful that he wasn't upset with her. "Joe said he'd come by and give you a ride home," she told him._

 _Jamie's brows shot up; he was finally going to see Joe. His stomach clenched nervously at the thought. "Oh, that's great," he smiled._

 _Sydney checked her watch, grimacing at the time. She looked back up into her husband's smiling face, feeling more at ease. She was desperate to believe things were returning to normal. "I have to go, honey," she said regrettably and leaned in for another kiss. "I'll bring home dinner tonight," she promised after she pulled away and reached for her briefcase._

 _Jamie nodded, but obviously wasn't worried about their dinner plans later that evening. The fear and disappointment he'd seen in her face yesterday was gone, replaced by her concerns for work. He couldn't understand how he could feel so conflicted about that, but he was too tired to really address it right now. All he could do was smile back reassuringly as she left the room._

It was midmorning now and he'd been officially discharged, Jamie just wasn't sure where he was supposed to go or when his ride would get here. He ran his hands up and down his thighs contemplating his next move when a knock sounded at the door.

Joe's face poked through the gap in the doorway with a tentative smile. "You decent?" he asked as he met his brother's eyes, hesitant to step into the room until he knew Jamie wouldn't freak out on him again.

Jamie smiled tightly, his stomach clenching at seeing that face again, but his heart flooded with love for the brother he'd missed so much. "Depends on who you ask," Jamie joked back.

Joe's expression relaxed and he let out a short laugh. "We'll avoid all the ADAs you've gone up against. Erin said they all curse your name when you make an appearance on a defendant's behalf."

"Does that include Erin?"

Joe laughed and held up his hands defensively. "I'm not going there, little brother," he replied as he came into the room, stopping in the center. Joe studied him, unsure of how to proceed and hated the feeling, so he kept it light. "I'm sorry I didn't dress up more for your release," he said as he looked down at the sweats he wore before raising his brows at the blue oxford shirt Jamie was sporting. "Let me guess...Sydney dressed you?" he teased as he tapped his chin thoughtfully.

Jamie smirked and looked down at his own clothes. "Is it that obvious?" he responded. He stared at Joe, tempted to reach out and touch him, to check for himself that he was really there, but he swore he'd play it cool from now on.

"Yeah, well, I don't know what she was expecting, but the Chevelle was the only car I had available for the ride over to Gramp's house. The Benz is in the shop," he quipped with a shrug.

Jamie brightened at the mention of the Chevelle. God, he still missed that car, but shook his head to focus on their plans for the day. "Grampa's house?" Jamie asked.

Joe nodded as he approached, taking a seat next to Jamie on the bed. "Yeah. Dad's staying with Gramps while he's in town like he always does. He was getting some work done there this morning so he could have the afternoon free. We figured we'd have lunch and hang out. You can rest there just as well as you could in your loft, at least until Sydney gets home. That okay?"

Jamie was considering the fact that his father didn't live in the city when he felt Joe's eyes on him and promptly responded. "Yeah. That's fine."

Joe jabbed his elbow playfully into Jamie's side. "You okay?"

 _Definitely real,_ Jamie thought as he turned toward his brother. "You want the truth?" he asked hesitantly.

"Sure," Joe shrugged.

Jamie breathed in deeply but kept his eyes on Joe. "I feel like I'm in some sort of bizzarro world," he confessed. He knew he should be freaked out by sitting here talking to his dead brother, but Joe was always able to put him at ease just with his presence. The same was holding true in this dream/nightmare he was living in right now.

"So I've seen, but I'm curious about what you think normal is," Joe asked. He was mainly curious to know why Jamie's been so shocked to see him.

"I can't say," Jamie sighed, afraid to even voice his truth.

"Why not?" Joe asked.

Jamie looked down, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress beneath him. "Because you're all going to think I'm crazy. I woke up this morning wishing yesterday had been a dream or something," he said, leaving _'except the part about you being alive'_ unspoken. "And when it wasn't, I realized I needed to stop with the panic attacks before someone decides to lock me up," he said. He didn't dare look over at his brother.

"No one's locking you up. And you can trust me; it'll be just between you and me," Joe promised.

Jamie opened his mouth, but he hesitated and closed it quickly.

Joe reached over and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders. "Come on, man. I lock things up tighter than Ft. Knox. You know that. Hell, dad still doesn't know you're the one that ripped the downspout off the side of the house when you were sneaking back up to your bedroom window from that party at Richie Neuweiller's house when you were fifteen," Joe pointed out.

Jamie smiled, remembering the incident clearly and stunned to be rehashing the memory with Joe. He thought he was a dead man when Joe had confronted him about it, acting like he was disappointed in him and ready to out him to their father, only to laugh in his face at the fear of god he put into him. He then promised not to tell a soul it was him. "I was sixteen," Jamie corrected.

Joe sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Point is, I knew. I caught you when I was coming home, laughed my ass off when it gave way and you almost fell on your ass and no one ever knew it was you. Not that they'd believe me with the Boy Scout thing you had going on," he said, stopping for a second as he realized something. "Now that I think about it, you got away with a lot of crap!" he accused.

Jamie smirked, knowing that was certainly true. "I was lucky. Being the youngest by six years, you guys had mom and dad worn out by the time I came around," he stated.

Joe snorted at the truth of that statement. "You're welcome," he said. "So?" he prodded.

Jamie glanced at his brother. "You swear you won't say a word?"

"What do you want, a blood oath? A pinky swear? I told you I wouldn't," Joe huffed. "Never have."

"Either this is a dream and my reality is out there somewhere or vice versa, but they're both so different and both so real, Joe. This isn't some sort of amnesia. I see this whole different life for me, for all of us," Jamie explained, clearly frustrated about everything.

"Different how?"

Jamie felt so comfortable talking to Joe, like he always had, so he started with the one thing that was different about all of the Reagen men. "We were all cops for starters."

Joe snorted which caused Jamie to frown.

"Cops? Yeah right. That's funny," Joe laughed and slapped Jamie across the back, forgetting all about his head injury.

Jamie glared at his brother, his head throbbing momentarily from being jostled unexpectedly. "I'm serious. All of us...the men anyway, from grandpa down to me."

Joe cleared his throat and nodded, pursing his lips as he tried to get serious. He decided to humor his little brother. "Well, dad and maybe grandpa I could see as cops. I mean, grandpa was and dad is in the military; not such a big stretch there and they're both disciplined and by-the-book." Joe paused and crossed his arms over his chest, grimacing as he considered their older brother. "Danny, though? No way man," he shook his head, leaving no doubt about his opinion about Danny. "The guy was always getting in trouble. Last thing he'd ever be was a cop. He barely managed his stint in the Marines and he's much better off as a salesman. Danny can sell ice to an Eskimo, you know that," he reasoned.

"He can talk alright," Jamie muttered. Danny was the same in that regard in both realities.

Joe smiled but decided to turn the conversation toward what had been bothering him since the ER fiasco yesterday. "Why'd you get so weird when you saw me?"

Jamie's head snapped up and his mouth hung open. That was the hardest part about all of this. How was he supposed to explain it to Joe? But his brother was looking directly into his eyes, clearly expecting an answer. "I thought you were dead," he blurted out before he even knew what he was doing.

Joe's brow furrowed. "Dead?" he repeated. That was about as bad as he expected.

"Yeah," Jamie said as he looked down at his hands. "You got shot in the line of duty," he explained, leaving out that it was a fellow cop who had pulled the trigger. That was way too much to get into right now.

"Woah. That would explain it," Joe whispered, growing more concerned for Jamie while not wanting him to think he was being judged. If that's what Jamie had thought, then his reaction fit. But that still left his wife. "And Sydney?" he asked.

Jamie kept his head bowed low. "She left me after I left law to be a cop. We were never married," Jamie said sadly.

Joe's brows arched up in surprise. "Okay. Well...that's some heavy stuff. I'm not so sure this other life you think is real was so great," he opined. "Maybe it's a good thing you're here with me, huh?" he added with another playful jab of his elbow into Jamie's ribs. He wasn't believing this whole alternate reality story; he just figured the concussion must have caused Jamie to have some pretty vivid dreams. And being the good brother that he was, he wasn't about to start calling the poor guy crazy...that was Danny's job anyway.

Jamie, however, wasn't seeing anything funny about this whole thing. "What do I do, Joe?"

Joe sighed, wishing he could fix everything. "I can't explain what's going on in your head, J. But this is your life. You're married and a pretty successful criminal defense attorney, climbing some ladders on your way to making partner. You just got to live your life and if there's anything about it that makes you unhappy, just do what you have to do to be happy. And we'll be here with you," he promised.

Jamie nodded, but pointed out one thing. "Most of you, anyway, with dad in Washington and Danny in New Jersey. How often do we get together?" he wondered.

"Who?"

"All of us," Jamie clarified.

"I see you, Erin, Nicky and Gramps all the time," Joe shrugged, wanting to provide as much information as possible to help Jamie recover his memories. "We see Danny a few times a month when we go see him, Linda and the kids. Dad a lot less...major holidays if there isn't some crisis to get in the way. But we're used to that. That's the life of a military brat, you know?"

Jamie stared at his brother, unable to imagine life without the weekly Sunday dinners. The idea that he hardly saw his family all together made him sad. It seemed that they were all still tight, but it wasn't the same.

A knock at the partially open door interrupted them and Jamie looked up to see yet another familiar face and, thankfully, this one was dressed in full uniform. "Sarge!" he said, relieved to see that at least one of them was still a cop as a warm smile creeped onto his face.

Seargeant Anthony Renzulli nodded at the men sitting on the hospital bed and stepped into the room. He narrowed his eyes at the fact that his victim seemed to be shooting him a look of recognition which was weird since he hadn't seen the kid awake until now. "Mr. Reagan," he addressed Jamie, "it's good to see you up and around. You had your wife and brother here worried yesterday," he said in a friendly tone.

Jamie looked from Joe to the officer with some confusion.

"Sergeant Renzulli was the first responding officer. He was in the emergency room, waiting to see if there was anything you could tell him to help with the investigation," Joe explained.

"Oh, uh, of course," Jamie whispered. Based on past experiences, he decided not to offer anything else on how he knew Renzulli.

Joe saw the recognition in Jamie's eyes as soon as they landed on the officer but he let it be for now.

Renzulli pulled out his memo book and spoke as he skimmed over a few pages. "I'm not sure what your family has told you so far, but you were the victim of a carjacking. There have been no signs of your car since it was taken, but considering the type of vehicle you drove, we think it's a goner, I'm sorry to say. But hey, the important thing is that you're here, know what I'm saying, Mr. Reagan?"

"Yeah, and you can just call me Jamie," he nodded, stomping on his desire to shake Renzulli by the shoulders and yell, 'its me, Sarge!'

"Is there anything you can tell us about your assailants?" Renzulli inquired while adjusting his cap.

"Plural? There was more than one?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, there were two that were reported by witnesses - young, white males in their late teens to early twenties," Renzulli reported. "Do you remember them?" he asked hopefully.

Jamie didn't know why that rang a bell, but he couldn't remember the carjacking at all. "Uh, no. It's all kind of a blank," he replied.

Renzulli sighed, disappointed that he had nothing to offer. "That's too bad. But we are trying to work some leads. It happened where you normally park your car for court. We're checking reports for silimar incidents in the area. I'd ask if there was anyone you'd suspect of targeting you, but considering what you do for a living, I figure that would be a very long list, huh? Am I right?" Renzulli asked jokingly.

Jamie smiled at the familiar attempt at humor. "Yeah, I guess."

"Well, I won't take up anymore of your time," Renzulli said as he reached into his pocket for a business card. "But if you remember anything, don't hesitate to call, alright?" he instructed as he handed over the rectangular piece of cardstock.

Jamie took the card and stared longingly at it, running his finger over the NYPD emblem. "Yeah. I will. Thank you, Sergeant Renzulli," he replied, wondering if he'd ever see the man again.

Renzulli frowned at the strange reaction from the kid, but shrugged it off as the usual post traumatic stress crap most victims went through after something like this. "Sure thing. Have a good day," he said with a tip of his cap as he backed out of the room while Jamie stared intently at his retreating form.

Joe clapped his hands together, breaking Jamie out of his spell. "Well, I think now would be a good time for that ride. What do you say, little brother? I think they got a wheelchair waiting for you outside. Last thing they want is you suing them for falling on your face on the way out of this madhouse."

"Yeah, let's go. I've had enough of this place," he said as he slid off the bed.

"I'm sure you have," Joe agreed as he grabbed Jamie's bag from the bedside table and followed him out through the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Joe was the first to walk through the front door of his grandfather's house in Bay Ridge, searching the living room to the right for the older Reagan men. "Hey! Anyone here?!" he hollered as Jamie followed behind, closing the front door of the small cape cod his grandparents had raised their father in.

Jamie scanned his surroundings, nostalgia washing over him as he took in the familiar furnishings, knickknacks and family photos his grandmother so painstakenly selected for each room and so meticulously cared for when she was alive. It was a house they spent a lot of time in growing up - at least from the life he remembered - and where the Sunday dinner tradition first began, way back even before he was born. He could remember running through the place chasing after his older brothers and sister wishing he could do everything they did while his grandmother and mother yelled after them to settle down. Jamie inhaled deeply, surprised that it even smelled like he remembered...like home.

"We're in the dining room!" Henry called out from the next room.

Joe led the way, the old wood floors creaking under his heavy foot falls. As soon as he stepped into the room, he found his father stationed at one end of the long oak table with his laptop and several files open before him while his grandfather arranged the last of four place settings on the other end.

"Hey, boys!" Henry greeted while his eyes zeroed in on his youngest grandchild.

Frank looked up from the screen, sending the boys a smile as he too focused on Jamie, hoping he was feeling more like himself today after a good night's rest. "How are you feeling, Jamie?"

Jamie nervously scratched the skin around the bandage on his head ready to continue the act he'd put on for Sydney this morning, the only difference being that she had been preoccupied with work while his father and grandfather, regardless of which reality they existed in, seemed to always have a much keener eye.

Joe felt Jamie tense up next to him and patted him on the back as he stepped over to Henry's side of the table to peak into the cast iron pot that sat in the middle. "He's fine. It'll take more than a couple of punks to keep a Reagan down. So what'd you cook up, pops? I'm starved," he said as he leaned over to sniff the savory aromas coming out from under the lid.

"When are you not?" Henry gruffed. "I threw together a quick stew and I got some of the crusty French bread you like so much, Jamie," he said while pointing at a basket on the table.

Jamie smiled at his brother's attempt to direct the attention away from him. "Sounds good, gramps," he replied as he walked over to the table and slid into one of the dining room chairs.

Joe and Henry followed suit. Henry began ladling stew into their bowls as he narrowed his eyes at his son. "You almost finished, Francis?" he snapped, clearly irritated that his son was still working. It was bad enough the military kept his only son away, but he hated that he couldn't leave the work behind during a family emergency. Henry understood he had a high post and an important job and was proud of the good work he'd done over the years, but he still wished he could have his whole family closer together throughout the year.

Frank hit the keys on his laptop rapidly knowing well his father's opinion on his job. "As soon as I hit send on this e-mail….which is now. There," he answered with a satisfied sigh. "That will hopefully keep me free for today at least, unless something pops up unexpectedly."

"Doesn't it always?" Henry muttered.

Joe smirked as his father rolled his eyes at his grandfather. "How long are you in town for, dad?" he asked curiously as he went in for his first spoonful of stew.

Frank came around the table, taking a seat next to Jamie. "Through Tuesday," he announced.

"Think the Corps can handle having you gone for that long?" Joe grinned.

Frank smiled in response as he laid a napkin in his lap. "They'll have to," he stated and reached for his glass of iced tea while sneaking another glance at Jamie. Being here was more important than his job right now but unfortunately he'd been unable to leave it completely behind in D.C. due to the timing of his unexpected departure.

"You're long overdue for a break, Francis," Henry pointed out, buttering a slice of bread for himself. "I keep telling you to come up and see us more often," he groused.

Frank nodded at his father, knowing he was coming from a good place. Hell, he'd already missed out on a lot of family time because of his career in the military and uprooted his family many times because of it, but he couldn't seem to leave the job - especially after Mary passed. He needed to keep busy and it was just in his blood. "I know you do, pop, but my position keeps me pretty busy," he explained.

"Of course it does…one of the drawbacks of all those stars you wear on that uniform of yours, but you still work too much," Henry complained.

"So you've said...many, many times," Frank drawled.

"And one day it'll sink into that thick, Irish skull of yours," Henry fired back.

Joe smiled at the two bickering men before catching Jamie's eye. "I could sit here and listen to this all day. What about you, little brother?"

 _So_ _methings really don't change_ , Jamie thought as he nodded. "Yeah, so could I," he smirked.

"Funny," Henry huffed.

Jamie swallowed a spoonful of the rich gravy and tender beef, realizing it was his first real meal in twenty-four hours. "That's good, pops. I couldn't stomach the hospital food this morning," he said, eagerly reaching for the French bread.

"I can't blame you for that. Eat up," he ordered. "There's plenty more."

They ate quietly for a few minutes, Frank throwing side glances at his youngest. "Is Sydney at work?" he asked, wanting to asses his son's mental state.

Jamie wiped his mouth with a napkin before turning to his father. "Yeah. I saw her for a few minutes this morning before she had to run to court," he said, leaning one arm on the table as he stirred his stew with the spoon.

"And everything's okay?" Frank prodded. His brows were arched slightly as he waited for a response.

Jamie shrugged, trying to act casual. "Yeah. It's all good," he assured him, but saw the doubt on his father's face. "Really. Everything's falling into place in my head. Like Danny said, those guys just knocked a few marbles loose, right?" he joked, looking down at his bowl shyly.

"And just like the doc said, he just needed a little time. Soon he'll be back to defending the same type of punks that made off with his Beamer," Joe chimed in, sending his brother a goofy grin. He promised Jamie he'd keep quiet about what he'd shared with him back at the hospital and he was going to do just that. Joe was certain his brain was just a little scrambled from the incident, maybe he'd been dreaming the whole time he'd been unconscious or something. There was no need to make a big deal about it.

"But not too soon," Henry ordered. "The doctor told Sydney you should take some time off," he said through a bite of his lunch.

"I know, pops," he responded. That reminded Jamie to poke through his things and figure out where the hell he worked. He would need at least a few days to figure out how he was going to be a lawyer when every instinct told him he was a cop.

"Good," Frank said, but he was pretty certain that Jamie wouldn't actually comply with those orders. He was his son after all.

Jamie moved the conversation along, jutting his chin out at Joe before taking another spoonful of stew. "What about you? Did you call in sick to come get me?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did," Joe said as he scraped the bottom of his bowl, trying to get every last ounce of gravy onto his spoon. "I had the time and I'm sure my kids were due a break from my big, ugly mug, but I do have football practice at 3:30," he said.

Henry chuckled. "Good to know you're not slacking on all of your responsibilities," he said lightheartedly.

Joe feigned insult at his grandfather's comment. "I've got my priorities, you know?" he replied.

Frank smiled at the free-spirit of the family. "Sure you do," he replied.

"Mind if I tag along?" Jamie asked, eager to see his brother 'the football coach' in action.

Joe shrugged and nodded his head as he sat back in his chair. "Sure, but wouldn't you prefer to stick around here and relax? I could even drop you at home if you prefer," he offered.

Jamie shook his head, pushing his bowl away as he had his fill. "Not like I'm gonna get in the middle of the huddle," he countered.

"Jamie," Frank warned.

"I'll sit on the bleachers and watch. The weather's nice, sun's out. I've been cooped up since yesterday," he argued. "It's not like I get a chance to do it very often," Jamie added, guessing that as a young attorney making a name for himself, he probably never got out on a weekday to watch his brother coach his high school football team.

He guessed right when Henry and Joe nodded in agreement.

"See? No big deal," Jamie said.

"Someone almost making off with your head in that carjacking is a big deal," Frank reminded him.

A silly smile spread across Joe's face. "Ahh, it's like the good old days - begging dad for permission to go out when he clearly wants to ground you," he snickered.

"No. No grounding. Just make sure you take it easy," Frank insisted.

"I will. Just want to see what kind of shape Joe has the team in. You should come too, dad, gramps. How often do we all get out together, huh?" Jamie pleaded.

The other three Reagan men smiled at each other, knowing it was rare that they did. If only they could get Danny out here, then all the boys would be together.

* * *

Henry shaded his eyes with one hand as he stood from his seat. "Wow! That kid's got a hell of an arm on him!" he exclaimed.

Frank's brows rose in appreciation as the team's quarterback threw a beautiful, long pass to his receiver just as the pocket collapsed around him. "He most certainly does. Real disciplined too," he praised.

"The team's looking real good. Joe's doing a good job with them," Jamie said proudly as he watched Joe gather the offense around him.

"It takes patience and dedication to do what he does - working with kids all day," Frank beamed, happy to see his son doing something that he loved and did so well.

"They respect him too; you can tell," Jamie pointed out. It was strange to see Joe as something other than a cop, but he realized that it suited him. He looked happy out there.

"Yeah, they do," Henry agreed. He often snuck out to watch Joe at work; having him so close to his house made that easy.

"So, son? Are you really going to take a little time off?" Frank inquired.

Jamie glanced at his father before turning back to the action on the field. "I'm going to try," he answered.

"Try?" Frank echoed with a raised brow.

"The last few days have been so crazy; I don't even remember what I had going on at work before the carjacking," he said. And he wasn't lying. He had no idea what he did day to day at work or even where work was. "I guess I'd have to at least check in," he surmised.

"That sounds like a no," Henry grumbled.

"It's not a no, but..." Jamie trailed off.

Frank picked up on some inner battle raging on in Jamie's mind. "But?" he prompted.

Jamie hunched forward, bracing his arms against his knees. "But this has me thinking that being a criminal defense attorney maybe isn't the best thing for me," he confessed, peaking over at the older Reagan men as the words came out of his mouth to gage their reaction. Jamie had a brief flashback to another time when he'd made a similar announcement to these same two men.

Henry was the first to comment. "I think you're right about that," he said, laying blame on the criminal element Jamie defended for the incident that landed him in the hospital. He knew Jamie was good at his job and making a name for himself, but that didn't mean he had to like what he did for a living.

Unlike his father, Frank did not reveal his feelings on the matter, preferring to hear Jamie out first. "So what? You'd switch to some other area of law?" he assumed.

"I don't know," Jamie responded, looking down at his hands nervously. Jamie was really starting to worry that this was his reality now, made easier only by the fact that he had Joe and Sydney in his life again. And if it was, was he supposed to accept his fate and stick with law? How could he explain that he already knew - from experience - that he much preferred the life of a cop over the life of a lawyer when a career in law enforcement wasn't even an obvious alternative for anyone in the family?

"Jamie..." Frank sighed, afraid his son was making a life decision as a result of emotional trauma.

"Have you ever felt like you're not doing what you were really meant to do? Either of you?" Jamie blurted out, wanting them to understand where he was coming from first.

"Career-wise?" Frank clarified.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded as he eyed them both.

Henry shook his head as he stuffed his hands into the light jacket he wore. "Nope. You all may joke about my job in ladie's better shoes, but I earned a good living doing that, raised a family and achieved my own version of the American dream. I worked for a fine company and did my job well. That was enough for me," he declared.

Frank smirked at his father. "The perks of that job made mom and Mary happy too," he teased.

Henry huffed out a laugh. "Ha! Of course it did," he agreed.

"And you, dad?" Jamie prodded.

Frank hunched forward, mirroring Jamie's posture while looking his son in the eyes. "I can't picture doing anything outside of the military. That's not to say it was all perfect. But if I could go back and get more time with the family with all of the deployments and the moving up the ranks that kept me away, I would change that," he admitted. It was his one regret. "Why are you asking, Jamie?" he asked, wanting to get down to the root of his son's dilemma.

Jamie shrugged as he looked back out onto the field, focusing on Joe as he ran through a play with his offense. "I guess I'm having doubts about the law."

Frank and Henry exchanged a look.

"What would you do?" Henry asked.

"I don't know," Jamie sighed. When he turned to face his father and grandfather, he found them staring back in concern. "Don't look at me like that. This is not the crazy from yesterday. It's been a long time coming," he countered.

"Does Sydney know?" Frank asked.

Jamie was pretty certain of the answer to that question - something else that probably wasn't different in this life. "No."

Frank and Henry looked at each other before Frank addressed Jamie. "Well, before you make any rash decisions, make sure you talk to her first. She loves you, Jamie, but she married a Harvard lawyer. If you go making a decision that's going to affect both your lives, you want to make sure she's on board first," he advised.

Jamie knew this already and nodded. The talk with Sydney hadn't been a picnic the first time even when he already came from a family of cops and the news wasn't so far fetched. He knew it would be more of a shock this this time around.


	7. Chapter 7

_Please review! I appreciate all of the feedback._

Chapter 7

Jamie stood in the middle of the loft he shared with Sydney, the same exact loft he remembered from before she'd left him in another life. That's the way he saw it now - another life. It was just too real to have been some sort of dream. And this life was proving to be very real too. Or maybe he was going crazy - the assault had damaged some part of his brain and he'd literally lost his marbles like Danny said.

Jamie sighed in frustration and walked into their bedroom, finding everything neat and orderly, just how he remembered that they'd always kept it. He placed his overnight bag on the foot of the bed and sat down heavily on the left side, assuming it was still his. Jamie's eyes landed on the nightstand and he reached for a small framed wedding photo of him and Sydney, immediately smiling at the image. His wife was stunning in a form fitted lace gown, looking as happy as he'd ever seen her...they both did. Jamie stood behind her, holding her in his arms as she wore that same smile on her face that he'd fallen in love with long ago. Jamie blinked away the moisture that suddenly blurred his vision as a thought crossed his mind: this was his chance to have Sydney and Joe again. He might not be a cop, he might be miserable being an attorney and the rest of the family might be a little more spread out than he'd like, but they were all still there for each other. The job...well, he could work around that in the end, right? Could he even consider making that kind of switch now or maybe the life of a cop that he loved so much was the sacrifice he needed to make in order to have his family whole and alive and happy. They all seemed to be happy.

Jamie put the photo down and let himself fall back onto the bed. He rubbed his tired eyes as the long day finally caught up to him despite not really having done anything strenuous. After football practice and the long talk with his father and grandfather, Joe had dropped him off at home. He'd offered to keep him company until Sydney got home, but he'd begged him off, preferring some time alone to get himself together and figure out who he was here and now before his wife got home.

Jamie lay on the bed with his arms crossed behind his head, mesmerized by the yellow rays of light cutting through the room until his eyes began to close on their own. The call to sleep was too strong and Jamie didn't have the energy to fight it, planning to only rest for a few minutes so he'd have time to familiarize himself with his life. But the few planned minutes of rest stretched into hours as the sun set, leaving the room full of dark shadows as its lone occupant slept on.

* * *

"Hey, sleepyhead," a soft voice called out as a gentle hand caressed his cheek. Jamie turned toward the sound of the voice and sighed as his eyes opened slowly.

"Hey, honey," Sydney greeted as she waited for a response, still weary of his reaction anytime she approached her husband. She had been preoccupied this morning. Between the stress of his injuries and her court appearance, she hadn't looked for anything more than the obvious and glaring signs of distress he'd displayed on the day he got hurt. And when she saw none, she headed off to court with assurances from her brother-in-law that he would take care of her husband and deliver him safely at the end of the day.

Jamie looked past her smiling face, finding the room illuminated by a single bedside lamp. "Hey, Syd," he replied when he turned back to her where she lay across the bed next to him. "Time is it?" he asked while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Seven thirty," she responded while reaching to brush a lock of hair from his forehead. "You must have had a busy day. You were in a pretty deep sleep, but I figured if I didn't wake you, you'd be up all night."

"We didn't do anything, but I guess my nap went longer than expected," he replied.

Sydney smiled at the lucidity she saw in his eyes. There was none of the confusion or fear from the day before; her Jamie was back. "How are you feeling?"

Jamie sat up with a groan feeling much older than his age. "Good. My head feels okay. Guess the nap helped."

That was enough to get Sydney to smile even brighter. "I'm glad," she replied while sitting up next to her husband. "I brought some dinner. You hungry?"

"Yeah."

Sydney glanced at him for a moment before leaning in to kiss him on the lips. Jamie welcomed it, returning the kiss soundly. He wasn't surprised by how easy he found himself adjusting to Sydney being his wife. A part of him would always love her, no matter what happened between them and this was how he had always wanted things to work out for them.

"I missed you last night. It's not the same sleeping here without you," she whispered.

Jamie reached up to brush a few strands of hair behind her ear like he'd done a million times in the past. "I missed you too," he told her as a feeling of longing ran through him.

Sydney smiled brightly and leaned in for another quick kiss before she got up off the bed. She turned to face him, reaching out for Jamie's hand. "Come on," she instructed. "Food's getting cold."

Jamie nodded and took her hand, letting her lead him out to the dining room table where she already had two place settings made up for them with a salad bowl and a small platter of pasta between them. He sat opposite his wife and they passed the two dishes, starting their quiet meal.

After a few bites, Jamie looked up, feeling as if he needed to fill the silence. "How'd your day go in Court? You had jury selection, right?"

"No. Opening statements, remember?" Sydney asked with a slight frown, knowing she had told him that this morning.

Jamie shook his head in apology, hating to give her any reason to question his well being. "Yeah, that's what I meant. Jury selection was the day before," he said.

The frown fell from Sydney's face as she shuffled the salad around on her plate. "That's right. It went well, I think, and we got one witness on the stand today too, but we obviously won't know anything until the verdict. It's hard to figure out what the jury is thinking, no matter how experienced an attorney you are."

Jamie nodded. "Which case was it again?" he asked casually.

Sydney looked up from her plate at his question. "The sexual harassment case with the secretary and the investment company," she reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," Jamie played along, knowing it would upset her if she realized he had no idea what she was talking about.

Satisfied with his response, she continued as she twirled a few strands of pasta onto her fork. "I ran into one of the partners from your firm at the courthouse. He was actually covering a pre-trial hearing for you today. He had a few files delivered to my office so that I could bring them home to you for that trial you have starting next week," she said before taking a bite.

Jamie's brows arched slightly in surprise. "Oh. Okay," he replied hoping he wouldn't be quized on the names of the people he worked with or the facts of whatever case he was defending.

Sydney continued, not noticing his slight alarm. "He asked if you'd be ready to get back to work. I told him I wasn't sure, that you might need some time, but I don't think he was too thrilled with my response," she said with a slight grimace.

Jamie shrugged, remembering the life of a first year associate and the little to no respect he received being so low on the totem pole. "Jeez. I guess one night in the hospital isn't enough to get me a little leave," he complained.

"So is the life of an associate, although he knows better than to harass you too much. He knows you're the best he's got. Probably why he wants you back next week for that trial," she said proudly. "Maybe getting back to work would be good for you," she reasoned.

Jamie couldn't disagree more, but he kept that to himself. "Yeah," he responded as he dug back into his food. "I guess I'll take a look at the files after dinner," he responded.

"Good," Sydney smiled, happy that things were getting back to normal so quickly after their scare.

* * *

Jamie had done as promised, sitting in the living room reviewing the files Sydney had brought home for him while she finished up in the kitchen. Jamie had also located his laptop and brought it over to do a little digging on himself as well. He'd found his firm's information in one of the pleadings in the file and pulled up the web page first. It wasn't a big firm, but criminal defense was all they practiced, boasting representation of big name defendants which really wasn't enough to impress him.

He looked up information on his boss after reading a quick, but sterile, get well note he'd written him on a sticky and stuck squarely on the front cover of a file he'd sent home. Ray Samberg looked like any other high-priced, big-city defense attorney Jamie had ever met. His attorney profile provided an in depth look into the man's long and distinguished career, boasting each of his major trial victories with a small blurb at the bottom of the page discussing his devotion to assisting the less fortunate, which Jamie assumed was a small attempt to humanize the man. He made a mental note to flip through the photos and names of the other attorneys at the firm, knowing that he would need to memorize them for when he returned to the office in the very near future. He then clicked the page with a small bio and a photo of himself. It seemed that he had done a lot of 'good' work for the firm as his list of accolades and victories were fairly long for any attorney with his experience.

Jamie sighed, wondering how he did this day in and day out. Resigned to having to be a lawyer for the time being, he began scanning the paperwork on his latest client and paled as he read through the arrest affidavit, cursing his damned luck. "No freaking way," he whispered as he brought his hands up cover his face. His headache started up again as he contemplated having to defend an alleged cop killer. His client was being charged with murder one after the assault of police officer who later succumbed to his injuries. He dug a little deeper into the witness statements in the file along with a list of the discovery from the DA, but it wasn't long before Jamie leaned back against the couch, having read enough. It wasn't his job to be judge and jury, quite the opposite actually, but his gut was telling him this kid wasn't innocent. And that was only from a limited review of the file.

Hector Gomez was nothing but a mid-level hustler with ties to a major gang. How this kid could possibly afford to hire anyone from his firm without the backing of the gang and whatever money they made from their illicit drug activities was beyond him - something else that made Jamie think this kid was dirty. Wouldn't he or his firm have questioned that in the beginning? But he suspected as to why they probably wouldn't care where the money was coming from - the media attention on this case would certainly bring the firm's name to the limelight despite the likelihood that the defendant would be convicted of the crime.

Jamie thumbed through the rest of the file until he got to the section with his written notes on the case, his eyes widening as he read through his own handwriting. He was surprised to find a note at the bottom of the last page: 'meet with Gomez' and 'prep motion to withdraw - irreconcilable differences' underlined three times. Jamie stared off into the distance. Irreconcilable differences on a withdrawal motion was code for any number of things, but most often it meant the client was not paying his bills or the attorney and client weren't seeing eye to eye. But one thing was apparent - he wanted out of this case.

"You okay?" Sydney ask, her brows creased in concern as she approached the couch with a stack of her own files.

Jamie startled, turning quickly in her direction. "Oh, uh...yeah. Fine," he stammered.

"Then what's with the frown?" Sydney asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. Just...I guess all the reading gave me a headache," he replied honestly while rubbing his temples. She just didn't need to know what really brought it on.

Sydney's expression relaxed, obviously buying the lie. "Oh. Then just leave that for tomorrow or the next day. You have all weekend for that. Why don't you just sit back and relax. I can go through my notes for my case while you rest," she proposed while taking a seat on the couch next to him.

Jamie smiled tightly, not wanting to look at the file again in fear that it would make him sick. "Sounds good."


	8. Chapter 8

_Family dinner time! :)_

Chapter 8

Frank looked around his father's dining room from where he sat at one end of the table and smiled at the sight. The whole family, all eleven of them, were packed tightly around the table, but they were all together - something that usually didn't happen unless it was a major holiday. "Let me just say that it's really great to have everyone together," Frank beamed. "Although I wish it was a different reason that brought me into town," he added with a quick glance in Jamie's direction. Regardless of why he was here, seeing them like this gave him the urge to bring his long military career to an end and move back home. Despite all of the moves he and the family had endured over the years, New York would always be home for them as evidenced by the fact that all of his children had flocked back there when they became full-fledged adults. He had no doubt this house was the reason they had - it was the one constant throughout their lives.

"Who's bright idea was this anyway?" Danny asked before stuffing a large piece of corned beef into his mouth.

"Jamie's," Henry replied. He'd thought of the idea while they were watching Joe's football practice the other day. Henry and Frank agreed that it would be a great way to get the family together.

Jamie felt several pairs of eyes land on him. He already hated the extra attention he was getting because of the carjacking; he didn't need or want anymore. "What?" he shrugged. "Everyone's here. Figured it would be good to have a nice family dinner together," he explained, plus it was therapeutic to be doing something that was routine for him.

"It is," Linda smiled. It was good to see the family, but after what Danny had told her about Jamie and his incident, she was relieved to see him acting like himself.

"It's a great idea. Too bad we can't do it every week," Erin lamented.

"Let's not overdue it now. Traffic from Jersey over here is just as bad on Sundays as it is the rest of the week," Danny complained. "And let's not forget that we're missing a football game," he said while stabbing more food onto his fork.

"Danny," Linda admonished, rolling her eyes at her husband.

"Not like it can happen with Dad in D.C. That's why we gotta take advantage," Joe chimed in as he refilled his wine glass.

"You got to come up here more often, grandpa," Sean said.

"You're right, Sean. I do," Frank replied while giving his youngest grandchild a smile.

"Jamie, your trial is supposed to start this week, huh? On that cop killer? You gonna be okay to do that?" Joe asked. He'd been observing his brother all day; he seemed better today than a few days ago with no talk of alternate realities or past lives or whatever it was that was going on in his head. Joe was incredibly relieved that everything was getting back to normal, or so he hoped.

"Uh, yeah," Jamie shrugged.

"I knew you wouldn't take any time off," Henry grumbled. He glared at his youngest grandson which caused Jamie to look down at his plate. Like father, like son...

"You actually going to defend that scum?" Danny snarled as he shook his head in disgust. He didn't understand how his little brother did what he did for a living.

"It's my job, Danny," Jamie responded a little defensively out of habit. He was always extra sensitive to Danny's criticism. He really wasn't in the mood to get into that with his oldest brother even though he shared his sentiment.

Erin shook her head also, but in confusion. "What I don't get is how he manages to hire your firm," she commented. "He's a low level street gang member."

"And how you end up with such a high profile case," Joe added. _I_ _t was odd_ , he thought. He knew his little brother was good at what he did, he just didn't realize he was ready to handle that kind of case.

Sydney swallowed her food and wiped her mouth. "His boss has a lot of confidence in him. He's the best associate he's got," she praised while gently squeezing her husband's forearm.

Jamie gave her a quick, tight smile, then dug into his food without further comment, hoping that everyone would let the matter drop.

"Well it seems like you're letting your talents go to waste defending the criminal element," Danny mumbled while restuffing his mouth.

"So much for that," Jamie grumbled quietly. He laid his fork onto his plate and rubbed his right temple.

"Innocent until proven guilty, isn't that how it works?" Nicky asked.

"Yes, Nicky. But it's still hard to defend some people," Erin countered.

"It is what it is," Jamie conceded, feeling a headache coming on already.

"We all have our calling in life. This is Jamie's and we have to respect it," Frank said, sending his youngest son a look of support.

"Well, I still say your calling is the reason you nearly got killed the other day," Danny surmised.

"Uncle Jamie almost got killed?!" Jack exclaimed, finding that to be the first interesting topic discussed at the table.

"No. No, he didn't almost get killed," Linda jumped in to keep her sons from worrying. "Danny!" she hissed as she elbowed her husband in the ribs.

"He just got hurt when someone stole his car," Danny explained to the boys while rubbing his sore side.

Sean's brows arched up in surprise. "Is that why you have the bandage on your head, Uncle Jamie?" he asked.

Jamie nodded, hating that the conversation was still focused on him. "That's right, bud. Can we change the subject, please?" he pleaded, not wanting to discuss this further, especially in front of the kids.

"Well, I have an announcement," Nicky proclaimed with a proud smile.

"You do?" Erin questioned with no clue as to what it could be.

"What is it, Nicky?" Frank prompted her along.

Nicky pushed her plate away and folded her arms on the edge of the table in front of her. "I made a decision," she paused to look around the table, "I decided that I am going to be a criminal defense attorney like dad and Uncle Jamie," she announced.

The sound of silverware dropping loudly onto plates followed.

"Seriously?" Erin asked incredulously while narrowing her eyes at her daughter and then at her little brother sitting next to her.

"What?" Jamie choked out in surprise, wilting slightly under the glare Erin was sending him.

Erin crossed her arms and pinned her daughter with a look. "So that was what that was all about?" she snapped.

"What do you mean?" Linda asked from across the table while everyone else looked on with interest.

Eyes still on her daughter, Erin went on to explain, "Nicky went to work with me on Tuesday. She kept asking me questions about why I chose to work for the DA's office, but she seemed to take a real interest in the defense attorneys I was going up against in bond court."

"Just what we need, another criminal defense attorney in the family," Danny groused.

Nicky tried not to wither in the midst of her mother's peircing gaze. "It just seemed to me that there are people out there who don't get a chance at fair representation. Some of those attorneys that showed up to court were disinterested in their clients and in a rush to get out of there. Everyone assumes the defendants are guilty because the cops and the DA's office are charging them with a crime. It's not right and that's not a reason to assume guilt," she defended.

"That's very well said, Nicky," Frank commended. He could tell that his daughter was irked that Nicky had chosen to follow her father and uncle into the criminal defense side of the law, but if it was what she wanted to do with her life, he would certainly support her even if her reasons were slightly idealistic. It was possible that working in that field might someday open her eyes to the reality of her chosen path much like it was doing for Jamie.

"Thank you, grandpa," Nicky beamed. "What do you think, Uncle Jamie?" she asked.

Jamie lost his appetite at his niece's revelation, crossing his utensils across his plate. "I think you're right - everyone deserves fair representation and not everyone is guilty, but you have to be ready to defend some people that you know might not be innocent. It's the drawback of the job," Jamie advised.

"You speaking from experience, little brother?" Erin snarled as she pushed the food around on her plate, still obviously upset.

He might not like what he did for a living - it just wasn't for him - but that didn't mean some good couldn't come from it. "Just like not everyone you prosecute is guilty, not everyone I've defended has been completely innocent," Jamie countered.

Frank studied Jamie down at the other end of the table. It didn't escape his attention the Jamie said 'defended' as opposed to 'defend'.

"You know, we wouldn't be having this little disagreement if all the people on your side of the table had a good normal job like mine," Danny declared.

Jamie couldn't hold back the laughter that erupted from his mouth, several others finding it contagious. He was desperate for some comic relief after the last few stressful days and he could always count on Danny for that. "Aluminum siding, Danny?" he smirked. But now that he thought about it, he'd probably take aluminum siding sales over being a defense attorney...that was how much he hated the idea of defending Gomez. "You want to bring us into the business?"

"Laugh all you want, little brother. But aluminum siding pays for the good life we," Danny pointed at Linda and the kids sitting on either side of him, "are lucky enough to have in Jersey. And we don't have to deal with with any of the scumbags you and Erin have to see on a daily basis. And I don't gotta wear a monkey suit to work everyday."

"Maybe we ought to start a family business," Joe teased, snorting as soon as the words left his mouth. He glanced over at Jamie. "What do you say, J? Danny here can be our mentor. Teach us everything he knows about aluminum," he joked.

"Haha and it's aluminum siding, dumb-dumb," Danny responded, but couldn't keep himself from smiling at the two jokers sitting at the table.

"Remember that next time, Joe, or you won't make it in this business," Jamie warned, trying to sound stern. It felt like old times - everyone sitting around the table at dinner when they were kids, the constant bantering and bickering back and forth with he and Joe doing their best to gang up on Danny. Jamie couldn't help but join in the fun.

Joe slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand, repeating 'siding' to himself several times over which had the table chuckling. "We'll have to think of a name," he told his brothers.

"What would we call ourselves?" Jamie wondered.

"I don't know. We'll have to think of something catchy," Joe said.

Frank smiled at the back and forth between his boys. "I seem to recall the sound of constant fighting over toys, food...heck even about who got to sit where in the car on the way to church. I don't think the three of you could ever agree on anything even if your lives depended on it," he said.

"The question, Francis, would be who would kill who first," Henry chuckled.

"I'd kick them both to the curb first," Danny claimed.

Erin laughed knowing her two little brothers were a force to be reckoned with when they got together. "My money's on Joe and Jamie ganging up on Danny," she threw out, glad to be distracted from Nicky's suprising news by her brothers' banter.

"Ah. Like the good ole days," Henry recalled, sharing the same thought Erin was having. Despite the six year gap, those two had the tightest bond among his four grandchildren.

"Team J against mean old Danny," Joe proclaimed, extending his arm out to fist bump his younger brother.

"And again, I point out that it takes these two knuckleheads to go up against one of me," Danny bragged.

The family chuckled as Jamie and Joe shared a look of amusement.

* * *

Jamie was sitting at the dining room table doing some more research on his firm. His phone had signaled a few incoming emails on the drive home from his grandfather's house. When he'd checked his laptop at home, he'd found messages from his boss, hoping he was feeling better and politely ordering him to be in the office tomorrow morning to prep for the upcoming week.

He'd gone back through old emails and done what he could to familiarize himself with the names he assumed he should know - his boss, his colleagues and of course his secretary. Thank god for social media and people's obsession with posting every photo and inane thought that crossed their minds because it helped him learn more than he ever wanted to know about the people he worked with. His only concern was going to be walking into his firm tomorrow and figuring out which office was his without raising concerns from his coworkers.

"Honey? You ready to go to bed? You're going to have a busy week," Sydney said as she approached him, already dressed for bed.

Jamie's head snapped up, his tired eyes blinking owlishly after staring at the screen for the past several hours. "Yeah," he responded as he began shutting down his computer.

"What's wrong?" Sydney asked, her brow furrowing in concern. He seemed preoccupied.

"Nothing," Jamie replied quickly, not wanting her to worry about him.

Sydney saw through him, for the most part, and crossed her arms. "Come on, honey. I can see it in your face. Is it the trial?" she assumed as she leaned against the edge of the table to await his response.

"I guess," he shrugged, figuring it was better for her to think it was every day concerns about work that were bothering him.

Sydney's expression relaxed and she smiled softly. "You'll be fine. You know this case backwards and forwards," she assured him.

He looked up into Sydney's eyes and something in him wanted to trust that he could tell her anything, that she'd support him no matter what...past experiences be damned. "It's not that," he admitted, even though that was part of it.

"Then what is it?" she inquired.

Jamie breathed in deeply as he summoned the courage to respond. "This job...being an attorney, it's just not what I thought it would be," he confessed.

"What do you mean?" Sydney asked. "It's what _we've_ always wanted."

"What am I getting out of it?" he wondered.

Sydney didn't hesitate to respond. "You're great at it. You're really making a name for yourself, Jamie, and you're only a fourth year associate. Your boss is assigning you bigger cases and has you billing at a rate of a much more experienced lawyer," she listed.

"It's not satisfying," Jamie stated and looked up as Sydney stared back in confusion.

"So what? You want to practice something else?" Sydney asked, her stomach tightening after thinking life was getting back to normal after their scare.

"No," Jamie replied. The urge to share his deepest concerns with his wife suddenly vanished.

"Then what? You want to change careers?" Sydney blurted out, laughing at the crazy notion. But her expression turned serious when Jamie didn't respond. He'd even looked away nervously. "Jamie...what the hell would you do?" she demanded. He was a Harvard-educated attorney. How could he even think of doing something other than practicing law?

"I'm not sure," he said even though he already knew what he wanted to do.

"This is crazy. It's just the accident that has you feeling this way. You're the victim when you're normally representing the defendants," she theorized. "It's understandable, honey. Now, let's go to bed. You just need some rest after a full day with your family," she ordered and left the dining room, needing to put an end to his crazy talk.

Jamie stared at his wife as she practically ran from the room, thinking that this went about as badly as it did the first time, only he lost the nerve to drop the bomb about his true career of choice.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jamie took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened to the thirty-first floor of his office building. He ran his hand nervously down the length of his tie as he followed a few of the other occupants of the elevator car onto the floor, first looking left and then right in search of suite 3100. Jamie was relieved to find it easily just to the right of the elevator bank without the need to wander the whole floor searching for his own firm. He took a few short steps and pushed through the heavy glass door, smiling politely at the attractive young woman who sat behind the massive reception desk, her blonde, perfectly coifed head the only part of her visible to him from the doorway.

Samberg Trial Attorneys, PLLC looked like any other stuffy law firm with its dark wood-paneled lobby, marble floors and rich leather furniture all painstakenly coordinated and selected to assure anyone that walked through their doors that these were seriously successful (and expensive) attorneys. Jamie could already feel his spirit falling as soon as he stepped over the threshold, but maintained the forced smile on his face.

"Good morning, Jamie! It's so great to have you back!" the cheery reseptionist greeted.

Jamie was certain that he'd ever seen such blindingly white teeth on any human being in his life, but pushed that thought aside as he prepared to act like he knew the stranger before him. "Morning," he replied, pausing when he realized that he had no idea what this woman's name was so he followed quickly with inane pleasantries. "It's good to be back. Uh, how was your weekend?" he asked, not paying attention to the receptionist as she happily jabbered on about her amazing weekend while he looked around the lobby wondering which hallway would take him to his office.

Jamie turned to the left as he heard a pair of fast moving heals clicking along the marble floor, his eyes widening as he recognized the dark-haired woman with the warm smile coming toward him - his secretary. He'd made sure to memorize her face while he'd investigated his colleagues online the night before.

"...and as soon as I saw you come out of the elevator I buzzed Clara because I knew how worried she'd been about you when she heard what happened. I mean, we all were."

Jamie's head snapped back to the receptionist as she finally quieted down.

"Jamie! I'm so glad you're back. How are you feeling?" Clara asked as she leaned in for a quick hug, wincing at the small bandage that remained over the stitches on the side of his head. The brunette seemed genuinely pleased to see him.

Jamie returned the hug with one arm as he clutched his briefcase with the other, hoping it didn't come off as awkward and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm good. Glad to be back," he replied and remained where he stood in the hopes that Clara would make the first move and lead him back to his office. Jamie was in luck.

Clara gave the receptionist a small smile before motioning Jamie to follow her. "See you later, Tracy. Come on, Jamie. I've got a stack of messages for you and several motions and letters needing your review so we can get them out," Clara advised. She seemed to be all business as she went through the work they needed to get done while she walked him through the firm. Jamie nodded and returned polite smiles from concerned colleagues and staff as he paraded down the hall, sighing in relief when they finally stepped into a small office on the far end of the suite.

"It should be a slow day with the courts closed today, but we need to make sure you have everything for the Gomez voir dire tomorrow," Clara finished, glancing at her desk when her phone began to ring just outside of Jamie's office door. "You need anything right now?" she asked quickly as she began to inch her way out to her work area.

"No, ah, I'm good," he replied. He looked at his desk, covered with so much paper he could barely see the top. "I'll get started on all this for now," he said with a general nod to the mess. It looked like things had just piled up during his short absence.

"Okay. I'm really glad you're back," she said warmly before making a mad dash for her still ringing phone.

"Thanks, Clara," he said to an empty office. Jamie blew out a large breath and placed his briefcase on the credenza behind his desk. He looked out through the window at the high rise across the street and the morning rush of pedestrians below and knew this wasn't where he wanted to be, but didn't know if he really had a choice.

Might as well get to it, Jamie thought to himself and slipped out of his suit jacket before sitting down to the stacks of paper and file folders waiting for him. After a while, Jamie realized that mess wasn't the right word to describe his desk at all. It seemed that everything that awaited his approval was organized and attached to their corresponding files so that he could look through them and confirm he wasn't committing malpractice when completeing the documents that required his signature. Most of it consisted of simple motions and requests he remembered doing as a first year associate.

Jamie had made his way through a few piles when he got to the damn Gomez case. Knowing he couldn't deny the inevitable, he leaned over and and reached into his briefcase to pull out the other files Sydney had brought home. When he placed them on his desk, Jamie saw that he'd pulled out a set of papers that had been loose in his briefcase. He flipped them over and was stunned to find a staff attorney job listing for the Brooklyn office of The Legal Aid Society paperclipped to a blank application form. The application deadline had passed, but Jamie wasn't sure what to think...had this been something he'd been seriously considering?

He remembered the endless conversations with his law school buddies back at Harvard on how they were going to use their law degrees to change the world and help the less fortunate. Legal Aid was certainly one way to do that. But all of the friends who taken part in those conversations ended up just like him now...at fancy law firms making six figures representing clients who could afford to have their attorneys on a hefty monthly retainer. Had he been in the middle of some career crisis?

Jamie sighed, thinking this was just something else to add to the confusion that was his life. He shoved the paperwork back into his briefcase and returned to the Gomez files, reviewing them in thier entirety.

Jamie knew one thing for sure: he didn't feel any better about his client now than he had when he first reviewed the file. Hector Gomez was an eighteen year old junior high school dropout who'd followed several family members into the Cordova gang and had a rap sheet longer than both his arms put together.

One other gang member had also been charged with the first-degree murder of Officer Kyle Mason along with Gomez. Officer Mason had been struck in the head with a blunt object while chasing Gomez and his cohort through an alley. Both were suspects in an armed robbery which was the reason the officer was chasing after them. The officer suffered a fractured skull and severe brain damage, succumbing to his injuries just a few days after the attack. The weapon used in the attack had never been found. Witnesses identified Gomez and his co-defendant fleeing the alley shortly before Officer Mason was discovered, but from what Jamie read, the witnesses were an eighty-five year old grandmother with failing eyesight and her seven year old great granddaughter. The DA was banking on the eyewitness testimony, but any defense attorney with half a brain would destroy them in court.

Jamie turned to the last section of the file and gasped at the photos of Officer Mason both during his last days in the hospital and then lying in the morgue. He broke out into a cold sweat at the resemblance between Mason and his brother, Joe. If he didn't know any better...

Jamie suddenly pushed himself back from his desk forcefully, rolling back into his credenza. He stood and paced his office, bringing his trembling hands to wipe his sweaty face. His head was beginning to hurt from all of this. It was too much and he braced himself against the side of his desk. Jamie closed his eyes and took deep, calming breaths. As he reopened them, they landed on the lifeless face of Officer Kyle Mason and he came to a decision: he wasn't going to defend Gomez; he was going to get off this case.

Jamie took a few more breaths and stood tall, walking out of his office in search of his boss.


	10. Chapter 10

_This would have been up sooner, but net was down all morning. Hope you enjoy and please review!_

Chapter 10

Joe climbed the steps of the bleachers two at a time as he made his way to the top row. He'd spotted an unexpected visitor at football practice as soon as he'd stepped out onto the field and didn't hesitate to head their way. "Hey, J! What are you doing here on a workday?" he asked, squinting into the late afternoon sun. His brother was dressed in a suit but had ditched the tie. He even had several buttons undone on his dress shirt. The kid looked like someone had just kicked his puppy which had all sorts of alarms going off in Joe's head.

Jamie gave his brother a forced smile, pushing off the back railing he'd been leaning against only to slouch in his seat like a defeated man. "Not a workday if I don't have a job," he reasoned.

Joe's head jutted back at the strange response as he dropped heavily onto the bench next to Jamie, completely confused by his brother's words. "Say what?"

Jamie placed his arms across his thighs as he studied his feet. He was afraid to look Joe in the face, certain he would find disappointment reflected back at him. "I quit," he announced softly.

Joe gasped, the only reaction he was able to give for a several long moments. "Crap, Jamie! When?!" he inquired when he found his voice again.

"This morning," Jamie shared as he nervously played with the platinum wedding band on his ring finger.

"Why would you do that, Jamie!?" Joe shouted in frustration and immediately regretted the outburst when Jamie flinched next to him. Joe ran his hands up and down his face to calm himself. Now he was really worried about his brother. He could understand not liking your job and wanting to make a change, but this was so out of character for his normally cautious brother. Even without hearing his reasons, which he damn well better have, Joe suspected it had something to do with the alternate reality crap that popped up after his incident. Maybe the kid really did need some help.

"I just couldn't do it anymore, Joe," Jamie confessed, finally meeting his brother's eyes.

Joe could see both relief and fear in Jamie's weary face. "Couldn't do what?" he asked more gently.

A humorless laugh burst from Jamie's mouth and he rubbed a hand across his eyes that Joe could swear had grown damp. "Sell my soul to the devil. And for what? To drive a fancy car? To live in a fancy apartment? Act like a hot shot? I wasn't happy," he griped, desperate to have someone on his side because he knew the odds were that very few, if any, members of his family would understand and support his decision. It would get blamed on his head injury and he'd probably end up hospitalized again.

But Joe sensed there was something more. "And…," he prodded.

Jamie sighed in defeat. "I think the guy I was defending in the cop case was guilty," he declared.

Joe flashed back to Sunday dinner and their niece's words. "What happened to 'innocent until proven guilty'?" he asked.

Jamie shook his head as he thought back to the files he reviewed. "Not this guy...probably not a lot of guys I've defended. And maybe he does deserve a fair shake, but that doesn't mean I should be the one defending him," he stated, stopping to chew on the inside of his lip nervously. He definitely wasn't going to mention that the final straw had been seeing the resemblance between the dead officer and Joe. He wouldn't be able to begin to explain why that had really turned his stomach.

"Whoa," Joe sighed as the whole situation swirled around in his head. He was pretty certain this wasn't the first guilty guy Jamie had defended but he guessed it had just taken a toll on his little brother. "So you really did it? You quit your job?" Joe asked, still not believing what he was hearing.

Jamie nodded. "But it wasn't my plan going in," he claimed.

"What was your plan?"

"I just wanted off the case. I went in to talk to my boss, used the carjacking and problems with my memory as an excuse to get myself removed. I even suggested getting a continuance from the court so I'd have more time to plan an exit strategy," Jamie explained as he he looked out over the field.

Joe copied his brother, staring straight ahead. "I take it he didn't take that very well," he said.

"Told me to man up," Jamie sighed. "That I had a job to do," he added, but didn't elaborate on everything else Samberg had said. The man had been surprised by his request, even when the reasons were sound and in the best interest of the defendant and the firm. Jamie was certain the firm didn't need anyone, even Gomez, to come back and accuse them of malpractice. But apparently Samberg wasn't used to having associates come in and request that they be removed from a case. And when his request was denied, Jamie had refused to stick with the case, stunning his boss even more. As a result, Samberg was a lot more colorful and critical of him than he cared to rehash. He had voiced his disappointment in him since he considered Jamie to be something of a protege. And then the last jab intended to bring him down: that he expected more from the son of a Marine Corps General. Samberg said he was certain his father had never quit on a mission. Jamie did kind of feel like a quitter, but still, he knew he was making the right decision in the end.

"So you...," Joe prompted.

"That's when I quit. Figured it was better than letting him fire me," he said with shrug.

"That's...Christ," Joe trailed off. He had no idea what to say until he decided to throw one thing out there. "This has a lot do with your confusion after the carjacking, doesn't it? You thinking we were all cops?" he asked, leaving out the part about Jamie thinking he was dead...that had creeped him out enough the first time he heard it and he didn't want to bring it up again.

Jamie turned to Joe who was patiently waiting for a response. His first instinct was to deny it, but he couldn't. Joe was a human lie detector when it came to most people, Jamie especially. And he owed it to him to be honest...they had always been honest with each other. "Yeah," he admitted. "And that's not even my biggest problem," Jamie sighed while letting his head drop.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what he meant. "Sydney?" Joe guessed and cursed at his little brother's nod. "She doesn't know?!" he yelled, pausing for a moment after Jamie shook his head. "You are in a world of trouble, little brother," he warned. "You should have at least talked to her first before you went and quit your job."

"I tried," Jamie argued, turning to Joe before he continued, "not that I was quitting, but that I wanted to consider other options."

"When?"

"Last night. She got freaked out, said it was just the trauma of the incident and asked how I could even consider messing up our plans by doing something other than practicing law," he said, still disappointed by the exchange with his wife.

They both stared out onto the empty football field contemplating what all of this meant for Jamie and his future.

"So what are you thinking of doing with the rest of your life, Jamie?" Joe finally asked.

Jamie nervously jiggled his foot on top of the bench in front of him. "I stopped by the NYPD Academy after I left the firm and picked up an application," he announced. Joe would be the easiest, by far, to share this news with, but he wasn't surprised to see both shock and doubt on his brother's face.

Another curse escaped Joe's mouth, each one had been progressively dirtier than the last. "You're really sure about this, Jamie? If you just need time off from work, that's one thing; everyone would understand. But being a cop? It just sounds so out there, man."

"I know it does. But I need you to trust me when I tell you that this has been my dream, Joe. And I'll be really good at it; I know I will," Jamie proclaimed as he thought of his time on the force.

Joe nodded. As crazy as it sounded, he believed his brother when he said that. "Sydney's really going to flip when she hears this," he cautioned.

Jamie tuned out his brother's warning, wondering how nuts this all really sounded when being a cop seemed like the most natural thing in the world to him. "Do you think I'm crazy by doing this?" he asked.

"You want my honest answer?" Joe shot back with a raised brow.

"Of course."

"Yeah, I think you're effing nuts," Joe said frankly and regretted his honesty when he saw the crestfallen expression on Jamie's face. "But…," he sighed.

"But?" Jamie repeated, hoping for some encouragement from his best friend.

Joe sighed again and looked Jamie in the eyes. "If I'm really honest, I can tell you that it's been a while since I've seen you get excited about what you do for a living. And that kind of bumbs me out because I can't imagine doing something that doesn't make me happy and doesn't have me jumping out of bed every morning, looking forward to the day ahead," he said sincerely.

"There's a chance I'm really going to screw things up with Sydney," Jamie admitted sadly. He had already lost her once and prayed he wouldn't lose her again. It was enough that Joe was sort of willing to back him on the cop thing, so he wasn't about to go into why he suspected things might go bad with Sydney by talking about it already happening once. It was a risk, but he was praying that in this crazy world he was living in he'd get a chance to have it all. That's why he was here, wasn't it?

"If she really loves you - really believes in 'for better or for worse' - she'll support your decision, but it might be hard at first," Joe warned. "It'll be a shocker, little brother. That much is for sure."

"And if she doesn't?" Jamie questioned, hoping for some encouragement.

Joe shrugged, praying that his sister-in-law could back Jamie in the end. "I got a couch you can crash on," he quipped.

It wasn't quite the response Jamie was hoping for, but it was a typical Joe response. If he didn't know how to fix the problem, he'd at least make sure he was there to see you through it with some added comic relief. Jamie released a sad laugh and dropped his head into his hands.

Joe placed his arm across his brother's shoulders. "Hell, the whole family will think you've gone off the deep end, but I'll be in your corner, Jamie. Count on it."

Jamie turned suddenly and pulled his brother into a hug.

Joe was stunned for a moment before his arms went around Jamie, returning it firmly.

"Thanks, Joe," Jamie whispered in a shaky voice, thinking he could get through anything with him by his side.

"Any time, little bother...you know that. I'm always with you."


	11. Chapter 11

_I hope this provides a little distraction after a night of terrible news. Praying for everyone affected in Paris._

 _Sorry to anyone who is tired of seeing Sydney always being made out to be the bad guy, but I had to do it for this story...and_ _come on! She did leave Jamie after all! :)_

Chapter 11

Jamie was plating the rice, vegetables and salmon he'd cooked when he heard the door to the loft open and close.

"Jamie?" Sydney called out from the entryway as she put her things down and sniffed the air appreciatively. Her stomach grumbled at the prospect of finding dinner already prepared.

"Hey, Syd. Perfect timing. I'm in the kitchen," Jamie replied.

Sydney followed the sound of his voice and smiled when she found him in the kitchen. "Hey," she greeted as she approached, kissing him hello before taking a few seconds to check out their dinner. "Wow, you cooked?" she asked, her brows arched up in surprise as she spotted the sink full of dirty pots and pans.

"Yeah," Jamie confirmed before looking up from the food he'd plated to meet his wife's eyes. "What's with the look?" he asked, wondering if this was something he never did for her. He picked up the plates and took them over to the dining room table.

"Nothing. It's a nice surprise is all. We hardly ever have time to cook with our schedules," Sydney explained as she followed Jamie, surprised again by the bottle of wine that was already uncorked and waiting for them.

Jamie lowered the plates onto the table and pulled a chair out for his wife. "I didn't feel like takeout," he shrugged. He also hoped that the wine and a home cooked meal would be enough to ease the blow of the bombshell he was about to drop.

Sydney had a pleased look on her face as she placed a napkin across her lap. "So how was your first day back at the office? I guess I was also surprised to see that you beat me home. I figured it would be a late night with your trial tomorrow," she said.

Jamie stiffened momentarily, but quickly busied himself with pouring wine into their glasses. He was hoping they could talk about other things before either of them touched upon the topic of work. "Okay," he answered casually.

But Sydney picked up on his apprehension and frowned. "Okay?" she echoed.

Jamie cleared his throat nervously and sent her a tight smile. "Yeah," he said as he began to cut into his food.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" Sydney asked, leaning against the table to give him her full attention. She waited him out until he finally looked her in the eyes.

Jamie hated that she already looked worried. He knew he wouldn't be able to delay his news and took a deep breath while he lowered his knife and fork onto his plate. "I quit my job," he said softly, hoping against all odds that he'd get a calm reaction - enough at least to allow him a chance to explain.

Sydney could have sworn that he just said that he quit his job, but she thought she was imagining it and stared back in silence for several long moments until she could finally speak. "You what?" she gasped.

Jamie could see that her mind was racing a million miles an hour, but she was restraining herself while she waited for confirmation. "I quit. I couldn't do it anymore, Sydney," he said.

Sydney didn't know what to think and shook her head in disbelief. "Do what, Jamie? Be a lawyer after going through three years of law school? What the hell did you think you were going to be?" she asked too calmly for Jamie's liking. "Jesus. So the crazy talk from the other night, you actually went through with it? What the hell are you going to do, Jamie?" she asked as she began to lose her temper.

Jamie was quiet, now afraid to reveal his grand plan. He was having a serious case of deja vu.

"Jamie? What are you going to do?" she asked more forcefully, her eyes locked on his.

Jamie figured he might as well get it over with and hoped for the best. "I'm going to apply to the police academy," he stated.

Sydney sat back in her chair, her jaw dropping at his response. "This is...this is just crazy," she mumbled to herself. She then continued by asking, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Syd. I picked up an application this afternoon," he told her.

Sydney looked away, dumfounded by all of this. She thought she'd be having a quiet evening at home as they both lounged around preparing for their days in court. And now here she was coming to the realization that her husband was probably brain damaged. That's what this was; it had to be. Sydney suddenly got up out of her seat and walked towards the entryway.

Jamie's mouth opened to ask where she was going but he was unable to get his voice to work, suddenly terrified that she was just going to walk out on him. She disappeared from his sight and returned a moment later with her cell phone in her hand. Jamie frowned as he watched her search for something. "What are you doing, Syd?" Jamie inquired.

"I'm calling your neurologist. He said to call if you displayed any more strange behavior," she replied without so much as a glance in his direction.

Jamie got up from his chair and took a few steps towards her, placing a hand over her phone just as she was about to hit the call button. "Syd, stop," he ordered. "This has nothing to do with the accident," he explained. _Although technically it did_ , he thought to himself.

A short laugh burst from Sydney's mouth and she gave her husband a skeptical look. "Oh, yeah? Then what the hell do you mean you're going to apply to the police academy? Where is this coming from then?" she asked worriedly.

"I've been thinking about it for a long time," he claimed.

Sydney's hands dropped to her sides at that revelation. "How long?"

"How long what?" Jamie asked.

Sydney crossed her arms in front of her, concern was starting to turn into anger. "You said you've been thinking about this for a long time but somehow I'm just hearing about this now. If that's true, then how long have you been thinking about this?" she asked. She was afraid of his answer. If it was true, that this wasn't due to his incident, and he'd kept this from her for a long time, she would consider it a betrayal on his part.

Jamie ran his hands across his face in frustration and turned away from his wife because in this reality, it was not a question he could answer honestly. From what he had seen at the office, he could tell 'he' wasn't happy with his job, but 'he' couldn't tell her how long he'd felt that way or what this Jamison Reagan had planned to do about it. He could only tell her what he knew to be true: that he'd always known deep down that he wasn't meant to be an attorney. "I don't know, Sydney," he began as he turned back to face her, "but I haven't been happy with my job for a long time." Jamie paused for a response and when he got nothing but a pained expression from Sydney, he forged on. "I'm sorry that this is coming out of the blue. But today, well, I realized that I couldn't defend that kid without feeling like it went against everything I believe in," he added.

Sydney was unable to hold back and unleashed her frustration and anger on him. "So give up criminal law!" she shot back as her arms flew up in the air. "Go into civil litigation like me or family law or any law, but where the hell is this police idea coming from, Jamie?!" she demanded. Her shoulders rose and fell with every heavy breath she took.

"I think I'd be good at it. I can make a difference and help people," he argued.

"So you could go out there and possibly get shot at?! You'd still be dealing with the same criminals you're defending, only difference being they will want to hurt or kill you and for what? For peanuts, Jamie. You'd be a civil servant," she pointed out, her eyes wide and desperate for him to come to his senses.

"It's not about the money," he countered.

Sydney narrowed her eyes at him. "Sure it's not, not when you're not bringing it in anymore," she snapped.

Jamie was stunned - like he'd been slapped in the face. "That's not fair, Sydney. And since when has money been more important than doing what makes us happy?" he asked.

Sydney pointed her finger between the two of them, her brow creasing at his ridiculous statement. "Us? Funny you use that word, because you weren't considering me when you made your choice. We're supposed to be a team," she replied, hurt clearly evident in her tone. "We have plans, Jamie."

"You're right," he admitted. He'd been selfish and a coward for not discussing this with her first...really discussing it with her and not letting her run away when he brought it up. They were supposed to be a team, but he had a feeling he wouldn't receive a reaction much different than what he'd once gotten before, probably the reason he'd gone through with it without consulting her. "I'm sorry, but I really need you to trust me on this. I know that it's a shock, but I love you Sydney and I really need you to back me on this," he begged as he took hold of her hands. "We'll get through this together," he promised, repeating the same words he'd once before.

Sydney looked from his face down to where he held her hands. "I don't know what to think. I can't even look at you right now," she whispered sadly before pulling her hands free and walking away. Syndey left him standing in the middle of their loft as she stormed into their bedroom, throwing the door closed behind her.

Jamie felt his heart drop just like it had when Sydney had left him before. His breathing quickened and a cold sweat broke out across his forehead as the fear that he was about to lose Sydney for a second time became real. Suddenly, Jamie felt claustrophobic in their spacious and airy loft and he headed for the door, needing to run from the very mess he'd created all over again.

* * *

Jamie walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, shivering when the cold night breeze cut through the thin material of his dress shirt. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, his shoulders slumped and his eyes downcast. The headache that had come and gone since he'd first woken up in the emergency room days ago was back in full force - a stabbing pain at both temples that made him thankful for the late hour and the dim lighting of whatever residential street he was on. Even his stomach was beginning to protest, but he wasn't sure if it was because of the headache or his argument with Sydney. Jamie was the epitome of misery to anyone that walked by him, but he could care less about appearances. His mind was consumed with the mess he'd created, even oblivious to the fact that he had frantically run out of the loft without a jacket and with no idea as to where he was going. He just needed some air and to distance himself from the chaos that was his life.

Jamie had woken up everyday wishing for everything to be back to _his_ idea of normal and hating himself for it because his normal didn't include Joe and it certainly didn't include Sydney anymore either. He was on the verge of losing Sydney again and for what? To be cop? Because it's what he was meant to be? He thought that was what all of the men in his family were supposed to be too, but they weren't and they were fine with that. Happy, even. So why couldn't he accept the fact that maybe he wasn't meant to be one either. Jamie was starting to suspect that he was just being selfish. He had this amazing opportunity to have Joe in his life without any threats from the Blue Templar and Sydney as his wife...he was possibly throwing one of those away with this obsession.

Jamie's right hand flew out of his pocket to brace the side of his head when the pain suddenly radiated all over. He came to a stop and cursed himself loudly, earning a nervous glance from a passerby. He stepped over to a wrought iron fence in front of a brownstone and reached over to steady himself, unable to stop from obsessing about everything when his body wanted nothing more than to find a dark corner to crawl into. Jamie looked around the unfamiliar neighborhood, unsure of where he was and how far he had strayed. He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, wishing he was someplace warm and safe, opening them when one person came to mind - Joe.

Jamie reached into his pocket for his phone, blinking repeatedly when the light from the device pained his eyes. He easily found a speed dial icon for Joe on his home screen and initiated the call. The phone was halfway to his ear when a spike of pain immediately brought him to his knees. Thankfully, Jamie was already blissfully unaware by the time his head struck the cold concrete sidewalk with a hallow thud. The phone fell to the ground along with its owner, the screen now dark and shattered.

* * *

 _Very long chapter going up tomorrow to wrap things up. I hope it doesn't disappoint._


	12. Chapter 12

_Here it is...final chapter!_

Chapter 12

Jamie was roused by the sound of two familiar voices and, strangely enough, a strong sense of deja vu even though he was only semi-conscious. He easily registered the headache threatening to split his skull in two, but he also felt a pinch at the back of his hand. And he definitely felt oxygen flowing under his nostrils from what surely was a nasal cannula...Jesus. _Hospital?_ _How the hell did he end up in the hospital again?_ he asked himself.

"How often is this kid gonna get smacked in the head?" a gruff voice griped.

"It's not like he asked for it," a soft female voice countered. "Poor Jamie," she sighed, as Jamie felt gentle fingers running through his hair.

"He's lucky that giant Harvard brain of his didn't ooze outta that enormous gash in the side of his head," the male grumbled.

"Ugh, that's disgusting," the female groused.

"Just saying...," the male voice shot back apologetically.

 _Danny and Erin,_ Jamie thought to himself as his eyelids fluttered open, only to find a stark white tiled ceiling...again. Jamie sighed softly and let his eyes slip back closed.

"Hey, look who's up...well, kinda," Danny said as he moved his face in front of Jamie's. "It's about damn time kid. We've been waiting for hours," he added roughly, but his expression confirmed that he'd been really worried about his kid brother.

"He says lovingly," Erin mocked before moving into Jamie's view next to her older brother. "How are you feeling, Jamie?" she asked, her brow creased in concern while her hand moved from his head to his arm which she squeezed reassuringly.

Jamie blinked sluggishly. He was finding it hard to keep his eyes open for longer than a few seconds, but he was doing his best to assess himself so that he could answer the question. "Head hurts again," he replied in a raspy voice.

Danny grimaced at Jamie's pasty-white complexion. It didn't seem that long ago that Jamie and Renzulli got pushed down a flight of stairs, something he assumed Jamie was referring to by saying 'again.' "I bet it does. Not sure you can stand another knock to the noggin, kid," he said. He was just relieved to see him awake and hear him talking.

Jamie grunted at Danny's statement, his eyes opening to half mast as they focused on the tie around his oldest brother's neck. One corner of his mouth curled into some semblance of a smile at both his brother's comment and his attire. "You got a suit on," he mumbled.

Danny frowned at the observation, but he didn't hesitate to fire back a smart remark. "Thanks, Captain Obvious."

Jamie closed his eyes again as he remembered what he had been doing just before he blacked out. "Where's Joe?" he asked when he reopened them again.

"What?" Erin asked in a breathy voice, looking over to Danny for confirmation that he had heard the same thing.

Danny was staring back at Jamie. His jaw had dropped suddenly when he heard him say their brother's name.

"Joe," Jamie repeated, not noticing the alarm on either Erin or Danny's faces in between long, slow blinks.

Danny's brow creased with worry and confusion. He didn't know what to do other than to state the obvious. "Joe's not here, Jamie," he replied carefully.

Jamie grunted again in response, not thinking anything of Danny's response; Joe must be around somewhere he assumed. Then he realized someone else was also missing. "Sydney? She still mad?" he wondered, remembering how badly they'd left things before he had stormed out of their loft.

Erin could only croak in response at the mention of another person who was no longer around. She'd turned as pale as her little brother as her mind raced with worry over the seriousness of a head injury that could have him forgetting something like their brother's death and believing is ex-fiancee was still in the picture.

Jamie now noticed the worry etched across both of their faces as his siblings looked to each other for answers. He slowly glanced around the small exam room to see if anyone else was there with them, his eyes returning to Danny and Erin when he confirmed that it was just the three of them.

"We need to get the doctor in here," Danny hissed urgently.

"Yeah," Erin agreed while jerkily shaking her head. "Like now. I'll go," she volunteered as she ran from the room.

Jamie was about to ask Danny what was wrong, but his father beat him to the punch.

"What's going on?" Frank asked from the doorway. Erin had passed him in the hallway, saying only that they needed the doctor.

"Dad," Jamie said, eyeing his father as he approached the gurney. Jamie got the strangest feeling that there was something different about him today.

Danny stood by quietly, still stunned that Jamie had asked for Joe and Sydney when he woke up.

Frank filled the spot Erin had vacated and gripped Jamie's cold hand in his large warm one. "Hey, son. You had us worried," he smiled in relief. His heart had skipped a beat when he'd gotten the call that Jamie had been hurt and was on his way to the hospital.

"More like _have,"_ Danny corrected his father.

Frank gave Danny a questioning look to which Danny could only shrug in response with a nod in Jamie's direction.

"You haven't left," Jamie said, pleased to see that he was still in town. He probably wasn't going to be thrilled about the mess he'd created by ignoring his advice, but it was comforting to just have him nearby.

Frank turned back to Jamie, the same look of confusion that he'd given Danny was now aimed at his youngest son. "Left? Where would I go?" he asked, feeling like he'd missed something.

"Home...D.C.," Jamie replied automatically.

"Washington?" Frank blurted out, at a complete loss about what Jamie was talking about.

Danny was now certain there was a lot more going on than a concussion. "I'm not sure he's all there, dad. Erin went to go find the doc," he advised his father, speaking in a soft voice through the side of his mouth as if Jamie wouldn't be able to hear him from where he lay on the gurney. But Jamie was too busy worrying about the mess that was his life to hear Danny's words.

A heavy frown sat upon Frank's face. He looked from Jamie to Danny and back again, still curious about what exactly was going through Jamie's mind. "Washington? Why would I go there, son?"

"Work...glad you're still here," Jamie said, pausing to swallow a small lump in his throat. "I messed up," he confessed sadly.

Frank attempted to follow along about as well as he could, but assumed that Jamie was referring to the chase and his subsequent attack. "How Jamie? You did nothing wrong," he assured him.

"Sydney...she's so mad about work," Jamie fretted. "Joe didn't tell you?"

"Joe?" Frank whispered as his head spun towards Danny to get some answers.

"Something's really wrong. He keeps asking about Joe and Sydney, dad. That's why Erin went to go get the doctor," Danny whispered.

Jamie looked from his father to his brother not understanding what Danny was talking about.

"Jamie...son -" Frank started to say before he was interrupted by the same doctor that had greeted him when he arrived at the emergency department.

"Commissioner Reagan, I understand our patient is with us again," the gray-haired physician said as he approached gurney. Despite the confusion the patient's sister described - which was not unusual with head injuries - he mistook the looks on the other men's faces for simple concern for an ailing family member.

Erin followed the doctor in, filling a spot at the end of the gurney to observe in the hopes that the doctor could figure out what was happening to Jamie.

It was now Jamie's turn to frown at the way his doctor addressed his father.

"Yes, Dr. Roberts. But it seems that he's a little confused," Frank answered gently.

"So I've heard," Dr. Roberts replied.

"Commissioner?" Jamie echoed as he studied his father. His father who he now realized wore a three-piece suit and a familiar lapel pin. Jamie's brows knitted together as he went on to look at his brother.

The doctor noted the confusion on his patient's face and proceeded with his examination. "Can you tell me your name?"

"What?" Jamie asked as he focused on the doctor.

"Your name?" the physician repeated as he brought a pen light out of his coat pocket.

Jamie flinched as the doctor flashed the light across his left eye, trying to pull away, but the doctor gently held his head still as he repeated the action on the right. "Jamie...Jamie Reagan," he replied.

"Good, Jamie. I'm Dr. Roberts. I'm the neurologist called in to consult on your case. Can you tell me the date?" he asked as he reached for a chart hanging against the wall.

"November, uh...," Jamie paused, realizing he had no idea of the day. "I, uh, I don't remember today's date," he admitted worriedly, looking to his father for the answer, but Frank knew this wasn't the time to be providing him any assistance.

"Do you remember the year?" Dr. Roberts asked while making some notes in the chart.

"Yeah, uh, 2011," he said, although it came out more like a question than a definitive answer.

"That's good," the doctor smiled kindly. "I understand you remember everyone here," he continued while pointing to the others in the room.

Jamie glanced over at his family. He was giving them the same confused expression they were giving him. "Yeah. Dad, Danny and Erin," he confirmed.

"That's excellent," Dr. Roberts praised, "but you're looking a little uncertain. How are you feeling?" he asked.

Jamie closed his eyes as his stomach twisted. "Head hurts...I don't know...kinda confused," he admitted again.

"Why's that?" the physician prompted.

"Why am I here?" Jamie asked them, not caring who gave him an answer.

Frank looked to Dr. Roberts to get the okay to provide some answers, to which the doctor gave him a quick nod.

"You were assaulted while trying to chase two perps," Frank informed him. "You took a pretty hard hit to the head."

"Perps?" Jamie repeated.

Danny brought his hands up onto his hips, exposing the gun and badge clipped onto his belt. "You need to stick with your partner or wait for back up next time, kid. You already forget that from the academy?" Danny gruffed.

"Academy..." Jamie repeated while staring at the items on Danny's waist. "I'm a cop?" he asked as he struggled to sit up. He then suddenly froze. Everything flashed through his mind like some movie reel and made sense again. It was a dream...all of it, he realized and a familiar sense of loss overcame him, dropping Jamie back onto the pillow with a heavy heart.

Erin reached for Frank's arm, needing to hold on to him as panicked at the grief they all saw on Jamie's face.

"Yeah, you're a cop. What else would you be?" Danny huffed, desperate for Jamie to make sense again.

Dr. Roberts now understood what the family was referring to. It wasn't unusual to forget a traumatic event or be off by a day or two on the date, but to not recall something like your occupation was worrisome. He turned to them and said, "I'm going to get him on the schedule for another CT, just to be on the safe side. Excuse me for a moment."

Frank could see the toll this was taking on Jamie but prodded gently, wanting to know how much of his memory was gone, whether he really didn't remember his brother's death and that he became a cop because of it - despite Jamie's denial of that very fact. "Jamie, why were you asking for Joe?"

Jamie's jaw clenched, closing his eyes when he felt them begin to tear up. "He's gone _,_ " he whispered, heartbroken that Joe - so real and happy and a football coach of all things - had only been a dream. _He'd been so stupid,_ he thought. Even in the dream, he'd known that life wasn't real, but he wanted to believe so badly that he still had his whole family even when the rest of it didn't make any sense.

The others could only frown at his whispered words.

Jamie brought his arm up and over his eyes, not bearing to see their faces and not willing to let them see that he was on the verge of a breakdown. So he focused on keeping his breathing steady and thought of Joe - his voice, his constant support and that last hug they shared, letting it lull him into healing and peaceful sleep.

* * *

Frank was fully engrossed in his newspaper when he heard the sheets rustling on the bed. He brought one corner of the paper down and sat up, both surprised and relieved to find Jamie rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Hey, son. I didn't think we'd be seeing you awake tonight," he said gently.

Jamie turned his head toward his father and gave him a small, tired smile. "Hey, dad," Jamie rasped in return.

"How are you feeling?" Frank asked as he folded up the paper and tucked it into the side of the recliner he was occupying.

Jamie considered the question for a few long moments. His head wasn't pounding like it had been the first time he woke up in the emergency room but he felt like he could sleep for a week. "Better...still tired," Jamie responded honestly.

Frank was glad to hear that. Jamie had slept most of the afternoon after the additional scans Dr. Roberts had ordered and the doctor had assured him that rest was what he needed the most right now. "Go back to sleep then," Frank suggested.

"I will," Jamie replied as he glanced around the rest of the room, a little surprised to find it empty. "Where are Danny and Erin?" he asked. Considering their encounter in the ER, Jamie would have assumed that they'd be around here somewhere.

Frank leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. "Danny has an early tour in the morning and Erin's at home with Nicky. I had to force them out of here. I figured you didn't need all three of us hovering over you," he explained.

Jamie gave him a quick tight smile, but didn't respond otherwise.

Frank could see that something was weighing heavily on his mind, something more than the assault that landed him in this hospital. "They're worried about you. We all are," Frank said.

Jamie glanced at his father, tired of concerned looks he'd been getting from him and everyone else. "I'm not crazy," he asserted. After seeing everyone in the ER and realizing things were as they should have been, he'd shut down, too tired to explain the reason behind his initial confusion. He knew who he was, what he did for a living, how he ended up here. He'd always known this was his life but he'd been stuck in some vivid never-ending dream and had started to believe that was real too.

"No one said you were," Frank soothed.

"I remember everything now...the paint job with Renzulli, chasing those two kids out by Prospect Park," Jamie assured his father. _That we're all cops...that Joe's still dead,_ he thought to himself.

"That's good," Frank said, but he knew Jamie was leaving a lot unsaid.

"What time is it?" Jamie asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Late. The doctor confirmed you just have a concussion. You should be able to go home in the morning," Frank advised, fully aware of his tactic.

"Okay," Jamie said.

"Want to talk about it?" Frank asked.

Jamie shrugged, looking away while he picked at the ID bracelet on his wrist. He was hesitant to say anything about Joe, but he knew his dad well enough to know he'd wait him out until he finally talked.

"You look like you lost your best friend...again," Frank commented.

Jamie's head snapped up to meet his father's knowing eyes. That was kind of how he felt. He cleared his throat before he began. "I dreamt about him."

"Joe," Frank said softly, knowing exactly who 'he' was.

Jamie nodded. "All of you actually...Sydney too. None of us were cops," he said.

Frank smiled. "No? So what were we?"

Jamie returned his father's smile. "Nothing weird. I think I had that conversation from Sunday dinner last week stuck in my head," Jamie said.

Frank tilted his head as he thought back to the dinner conversation, smiling when the subject of alternate career choices came to mind. He remembered each of their responses.

"I was a lawyer. Joe was alive and Sydney and I were married," Jamie explained.

"Sounds like a good dream," Frank commented.

"Yeah," Jamie said wistfully. He stared aimlessly through the window at the darkened night sky as he continued, "But I knew it wasn't right and I just didn't feel like I belonged. I knew they were gone, both of them...knew it was a dream. But I couldn't get out of it and everything felt so damn real. And as freaked out as I was about it all, I started wondering whether being miserable as an attorney was the trade off for having them both back in my life," he paused momentarily, "or whether I could have the best of both worlds...quit my job to be a cop and have them too," Jamie explained.

"So what did you do?" Frank asked curiously.

"Tried to have my cake and eat it too," Jamie replied sadly, remembering the argument with Sydney before he finally woke up to reality.

"How'd that go for you?" Frank wondered.

"Not sure," Jamie shrugged and continued at his father's look. "I woke up here," he said, not wanting to rehash the part of the dream with Sydney. It appeared that it was the same in both worlds. Maybe it was a sign - they just weren't meant to be. Maybe he could finally let that go.

"Sounds like some dream," Frank said.

"Yeah," Jamie whispered as he got a faraway look on his face. He could still see Joe's smiling face up on the bleachers in his mind's eye. "God, I miss him," he whispered.

Frank pursed his lips and stared down at his hands, sharing the same thought. "Me too. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about your brother," he replied.

They were both quiet for a few moments as they thought of Joe.

Frank was first to break the silence. "The two of you were something else together," he said proudly.

Jamie's forehead creased, but he couldn't help grinning. "What do you mean?" he asked.

The more he thought of his two youngest sons, the more his face brightened. "You two had a bond like I've never seen. You were brothers and best friends. You were lucky to have that," he said. "You each seemed to always know what the other was thinking. I know you two would even cover for each other when you'd get jammed up," Frank said.

Jamie's struggled to wipe the grin from his face in an attempt to appear serious. "I don't know what you mean," he claimed.

Frank straightened up at the blatant lie. "Oh, come on! And you two were good at it...too damn good," Frank grumbled as he thought back to all of the times he'd suspected his two youngest sons were up to no good, one situation in particular coming to mind. "I still say it was one of you that pulled the downspout off the side of the house when you were sixteen...I just didn't have any evidence to prove it. I came this close," Frank held his thumb and index finger an inch apart, "to having CSU come over to the house to dust it for prints too," Frank admitted in frustration.

Jamie's eyes widened upon hearing his father bring up that story, of all things, but laughed at the memory. "I still don't know what you're talking about," he declared.

"Sure you don't," Frank muttered with a gleam in his eye.

"Lucky for you Joe was pretty handy around the house and fixed it for you," Jamie reminded him.

"Lucky for me or for you? If I recall correctly, you were right up there on a ladder helping him," Frank replied suspiciously.

"I'm a helpful kind of guy," Jamie boasted.

"Sure you are," Frank scoffed while giving Jamie a grin.

Jamie returned the smile until a large yawn escaped suddenly.

"You should get some more rest," Frank suggested again.

"You should go home and do that too. You don't need to watch me sleep," Jamie countered, his eyes already beginning to grow heavy again.

Frank nodded. "You're right. I'll head out as soon as my detail gets here," he said. His detail was actually waiting for him downstairs but he hadn't been willing to leave until he had a chance to check for himself that Jamie was okay. They'd both had a scare today and Jamie's added confusion when he woke up had done nothing to ease fears.

It wasn't long before Jamie was out again, his expression peaceful and his breathing deep and even. Frank stood slowly, his weary bones creaking after a long day spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs. He picked up his coat and leaned over to place a kiss on top of Jamie's head. "Sleep well, son," he whispered while running a gentle hand across his hair. Frank left the hospital room with no doubt that Jamie would bounce back from this incident like he did everything else...if his youngest was anything, it was resilient.

* * *

Renzulli stepped out of the passenger's seat of the RMP and onto the sidewalk along Mulberry street as he adjusted his service cap. "It's good to have you back, kid," he threw over his shoulder as he waited for his partner.

Jamie secured his own cap onto his head as he made his way from the driver's side of the car. "It's good to be back, Sarge," he declared. It was his first day back on patrol after the incident that left him unconscious in a Brooklyn alley and landed him the hospital for a night followed by seven days medical leave.

Renzulli began walking up the block with his partner. "I had to drive myself around for the past week, write up my own reports, fetch my own coffee, paint the rest of that damn Prospect Park house on my own," he complained.

Jamie pursed his lips as Renzulli listed each hardship. "Sounds like you had it real tough," he deadpanned.

"I did," the sergeant confirmed. "So next time you get the urge to take off without any back-up, think twice about all you put me through," Renzulli admonished.

"Will do, Sarge," came the automatic response from Jamie.

Renzulli came to a sudden stop, reaching out to grab Jamie's arm. "I'm serious, Reagan," he said, continuing when Jamie turned to meet his eyes. "Finding you bleeding and passed out in that alley took five years off my life, not to mention having to report that to the PC's office and dealing with your father and Danny at the hospital," he vented, stopping only because he had run out of breath.

Jamie knew it hadn't been easy for the older man. "I know, Sarge. I'm really sorry about that," he apologized.

"Yeah," Renzulli sighed and gave the kid a smile to let him know there were no hard feelings. "You sure you're ready for this?" he asked as he eyed the healing scar on the side of his partner's head.

Jamie nodded as he continued walking. "Doc cleared me. Headaches are gone. I'm good to go. I swear," he said.

"Good," Renzulli smiled while walking alongside his partner. "You know those two numbskulls that got the drop on you were in bond court yesterday," he said.

"So I heard," Jamie replied. Erin had been keeping him posted on the court proceedings.

"Both kids got rap sheets going back to preschool," Renzulli revealed.

"That's a shame," Jamie commented, but he certainly wasn't surprised to hear that bit of information.

"Yeah it is. And lucky for us they're not very bright," Renzulli pointed out.

Jamie came to a stop on the street corner, remaining aware of the pedestrians coming and going around them. "Yeah, they might have gotten away with it if they hadn't gone around showing everyone that picture of me in that alley," he replied. Danny had called him to break the news that his assailants had been caught and filled him in on how they'd been located.

"Taken with your own phone to boot. They probably used up all your minutes for the month too, those bastards," Renzulli joked. "I certainly hope they delete that before they give back your phone from evidence," he said. He'd had the misfortune of seeing it when the detectives had brought in the two little punks. He'd seen the same thing when he'd located Jamie in that alley and knew the kid didn't need to see it for himself.

"They can keep it. Already got a new one," Jamie said. And he had absolutely no desire to see that photo if he could help it; living through that had been bad enough. Inexplicably, Jamie turned his head to the left toward a small group standing across the street, doing a double take when he spotted a familiar brunette.

Renzulli carried on next to him, unaware that he'd lost his audience.

Jamie was stunned to be seeing Sydney a short distance away. He hadn't seen her since that day she flew off to London. She was with several other people, carrying on a conversation and smiling at whatever topic was being discussed. He couldn't help staring at her. She looked great; no surprise there. He also couldn't help but think about how good they were once.

But it was when she turned her head in his direction and spotted him in return that Jamie's breath caught in his throat. She had the same look of surprise on her face that he was certain was on his. Jamie stared across the street for another moment before sent her a small smile which was promptly returned. She too was frozen, unsure of what to do.

But then reality broke their spell.

"Hey, kid?! You coming or what?!" Renzulli yelled from halfway across the street. "Do I gotta light a fire under your butt after your week-long vacation, huh?"

Jamie looked at his partner before looking back at Sydney, sending her one last smile - a goodbye of sorts - before turning back to his C.O. _This is his life, this is what feels right_ , he thought as he stepped off the curb. "No, Sarge. I'm with you," he replied while jogging to catch up.

"Damn straight you are," Renzulli said, clapping his partner on the back when he met him on the sidewalk.

* * *

 _So that's it! I hope you all enjoyed the ending. I'd love to hear your thoughts so please leave a review._

 _On to the next one! Another J &E because I'm obsessed. :)_


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